


Until you let me

by Briallen



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Dates, Desire, Lucas needs to find a way to let people in, M/M, Softness, Strangers to Lovers, Tenderness, There´s Lucas who never has the umbrella and there´s Eliott who always has it, and Eliott is just perfect as usually, lots of, rainy season in Paris, slowburn kinda?, touches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:13:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26431705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Briallen/pseuds/Briallen
Summary: "Lucas," Eliott catches his hand. Lucas watches it for a moment before he looks up to Eliott´s eyes. "I like you. I really really like you, you know that, right?"Lucas is looking into his face and every tiny bit of it screams honest. He believes him. He nods."And you... you like me, right?" Eliott asks carefully, real question and hesitance in his eyes. Lucas feels Eliott´s fingers interwining with his own, he feels the squeeze and the caressing of Eliott´s thumb on his skin. It tickles on his palm."Yeah," he breathes out. "I like you," he adds and watches Eliott´s lips widening into bright smile."Okay," Eliott says, sways their tangled hands a little, not stopping the smile."Okay?" Lucas is not sure what does that mean.Eliott nods. "Okay."Or: a story about rain and touches
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 26
Kudos: 131





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What can I say? I´m touch-starved hoe.  
> Hope you´ll enjoy this one. Was in my mind for some time.  
> Love u ♥

It started out of nowhere, without any warning. 

The rain. 

  
Lucas went to Yann´s place with sun above his head, and when he was leaving after hours of fifa, rain was pouring down from the grey sky, draining his clothes in a matter of minutes. When he arrived to the bus stop, his hoodie was dark grey with soaked water, dump hair falling to his forehead. Great thing was also the fact that under the roof of the bus stop was already bunch of people and Lucas didn´t find any place for himself to hide under the roof and avoid the heavy raindrops as well.   
He´s _small_! How hard is that to make some _space_ for one small boy!

Lucas looks around at those unfriendly looking grumpy faces and then he just stands next to the bus stop, arms wrapped around his body to stop the shivering, face down to not let the water fall on his face. 

The hood is useless, already drained so much that his hair underneath is wet like he´d just got out of the pool. Lucas squeezes the fabric of the hoodie on his elbows and feels the water between his fingers. _Sweet lord..._ And when he imagines that it´s gonna take another _half an hour_ \- pobably more, because public transport is _never_ ready for any change of weather, seriously - he internally growls. 

Suddenly there´s shadow above him and rain stops falling on his head. Lucas looks up and there´s black umbrella and  
and a _boy_.  
Boy, standing next to Lucas, holding it above both of them. 

It took a while for Lucas to remember good manners. 

"Thank you," he says to the kind smiling face of the stranger.

"Well... it´s not that it´ll do much help in this state of yours, but," he shrugs. Lucas breathes a laugh, looking down at himself. 

"Yeah, I didn´t expect this," Lucas waves his hand around the wet street. 

"I think nobody does," the boy says. "Look at all those grumpy faces," he points at people under the bus stop roof. One lady apparantely heard him because she shoots an offended glare their way. Lucas holds back a chuckle. 

_I don´t know why,_ Lucas thinks, _when the rain is just so beautiful._

"I don´t really understand why tho," the boy continues, looking around. "It´s quite beautiful when it´s raining, no?" he looks back to Lucas with a smile as a question. 

Lucas slowly nods. "Yeah," he agrees. They´re holding each other´s gaze for longer than it´s normal for two strangers to do so, and then the bus is there. People start pushing themselves inside and Lucas can´t allow to miss this one, he really needs to be home, warm and dry clothes change for this soaked ones. "This is my bus," he says. "Thank you for the, um...," he waves to the umbrella. "...refuge."

"I´m actually going with this one as well," the boy says and both of them get inside, holding to the same pole in stuffed bus. "And you´re welcome," he continues when the bus leaves the station. 

"Hm?" Lucas looks up at him. 

"For the refuge."

"Ah, okay."

  
When Lucas gets out of the bus on his bus stop and walks home in slight drizzle, he realizes he never asked for the boy´s name.

  
...

  
Little he knows that it was just the first day of rain season in Paris. 

Seriously, it feels like with that day, some kind of gate in the sky opens and it never stops raining. It was raining in the morning, it was raining during his lunch break, it was raining when he walks home and it was raining even in the night. 

The kind of rain changes every day. Sometimes, the day starts as a bright morning with few raindrops here and there only to turns into draining waterfalls in the afternoon. Sometimes it starts as a grey dark morning with fog and constant cold water falling behind the colar of your coat. 

No, Lucas doesn´t get himself an umbrella.   
He starts wearing jacket instead, hides himself under the promising waterproof hood, hoping this will do (it doesn´t do shit). 

  
It´s been four days since he met that umbrella boy, when he walks out of the library with hill of books in his arms. He curses in his mind that he borrowed more than those two books he came for and he didn´t brought any bag with him.   
He opens the door and sees the chains of raindrops falling from the grey sky. 

"Fuck," he murmurs and steps back to the library. Two girls pass by him and when they reach the door, they open their colorful umbrellas. Fucking hell, he should get one, too.   
But what now. The important is to protect those books, right? Lucas takes off his jacket and wraps his books into it. With the package in his hands, he walks out of the door only in his denim buttoned shirt. 

He walks down the street, blinking against the waterdrops catching on his eyelashes. Lucas bends a little to protect the package of books in his jacket with his own body, when he almost colapses into someone. 

"Oh shit!" he curses and looks up into the familiar face of the stranger. "Oh. Fuck. I mean, hi."

The boy, same as the last time, holds an umbrella. And same as the last time, he has this kind smile on his face. "Hello," he says. "So nice to see you again... still no umbrella?"

"No," Lucas answers and feels stupid. It´s raining five days in a raw, he could catch a hint and buy some. "Who are you, rainy man? Always waiting behind the corner to save my drained ass? Are you stalking me?" Lucas jokes. 

"W-what? No! I was just walking from the-the... the coffee shop, I´m not- I, uh-," he stutters, brushing his hair from his forehead. He´s cute. 

"I was just joking," Lucas shrugs, adjusting the heavy package in his arms. Umbrella boy laughs. 

"Ah, okay," he laughs again. "Um, I kinda like those meetings in the rain of ours," he smiles at Lucas. Yeah, Lucas likes them too. "I´m Eliott, by the way. I didn´t introduce myself the last time and I was overthinking it since we parted."

Wait, what? Him, too? 

"Really?" Lucas asks, taken aback. Umbrella boy nods. Oh, no, _Eliott_. Eliott, it is. "I´m Lucas."

"Nice to meet you, Lucas," Eliott takes half-step closer. Lucas takes step backwards. "Hm.. May I walk you somewhere? So you and-," he looks at the thing in Lucas´ hands, "-whatever you stole won´t get wet?"

"What? I didn´t steal anything! I didn´t-,"

"I´m joking, Lucas," Eliott has a mercy on him. Lucas lets out breathy laugh. "So what is that you´re hiding in there?"

"Books, from the library," Lucas motions his head to the library door behind him. "I didn´t expect I´m gonna take so many and... I can´t let them get wet."

"Makes sense," Eliott nods. "I´ll walk you, hm?"

Lucas considers it. He doesn´s know this boy, they met only twice and only now he learned his name. Lucas looks up into the kind open face, then more up into the umbrella, then around the street, puddles everywhere and then at the package in his hands and his wet shirt. 

"Are you sure? It´s not near...," Lucas asks, unsure about dragging some poor boy all the way to his flat. 

"I have time," Eliott shrugs. "Saturdays, right?"

Lucas huffs. "Yeah. Yeah, okay, um... this way," and he starts walking with Eliott by his side, holding the umbrella above their heads. 

  
...

  
"Give it up, Lucas," Yann whines with closed eyes, head hanging upside down from the couch, legs resting on the wall. 

"But why? It´s real thing! It´s not something I made up, there´s hundreds of theories-"

"Yeah yeah yeah we´ve been knew, Lulu," Arthur waves his hand holding a joint in the air. "You´re talking about this shit since the day I met you. It´s all just fairytale for little kids."

"That´s not fucking fairytale, Art, that´s real," Lucas argues. "Parallel universes are real thing! And if you don´t want to believe it because of logic, what about believe it as something what can sooth you, hm?"

"What do you mean, Lulu?" Basile asks, coming from the kitchen, sitting next to Lucas. He´s too close, Lucas shuffles away. 

"I mean... Even if you do some shitty decision, there´s parallel version of you who made the right one. So, you did good, at the end."

"It makes me pissed even more, because some bastard in my skin is doing better than me?" Yann shakes his head. "No, thank you. I would like the success for myself."

"Exactlyyy!" Arthur agrees. Lucas sighs. 

"Aww, poor Lulu, don´t be sad," Basile sits closer again and puts his arm around Lucas´ shoulders. Lucas crouches, head between his shoulders. "Oh... sorry?" Basile takes his arm away and goes sit to the armchair. 

Lucas sighs again. "I´m going home, it´s late," he gets up. 

"Lucas!" Arthur calls out. "Is that because we just don´t take your little theory about parallel universes?"

"Because you can´t preasure someone to accept it, man," Yann joins Arthur. "It´s not working like that."

"No, I´m just tired," Lucas slips into his shoes and takes the jacket on. "See you tomorrow, bye," and with that he´s gone.

  
...

  
When they meet for the third time, Lucas has the worst day ever. He doesn´t really know what´s wrong, but he knows there´s absolutely nothing right. He´s anxious, he shouted at Yann without any reason, he feels on edge. 

The rainy fucking weather is not helping either. Yeah, okay, he loves rain, but once at the time, okay? But now it has been fourteen fucking days with the water pouring down from the sky, sun is nowhere to be seen for week straight and he´s so _tired_. He´s exhausted. Everything is fucking wrong. He needs a break. 

He walks from school, without umbrella, of course, fucking hell. And he´s drained almost immediately. He runs to the bus stop where he sees his bus waiting and people going in from afar. There´s lots of people, so Lucas is sure he ´ll catch it in time.   
That´s why it pisses him even more when he finally reaches the back door of the bus and it´s so full that there´s no space for him to go in. Before he can manage to reach the middle door, all of them close and bus leaves the station. 

"For fucking real?" Lucas calls out angrily. "Fuck!" he kicks into the puddle and feels his shoe and sock getting wet. _Amazing_. He really needs more shitty fucking stuff today. And the thought about other Lucases in other parallel universes having a bright sunny perfect days doesn´t add to his mood, either. 

He stands there, rain is falling on him, as usually (he doesn´t even remember the feeling being outside _without_ getting wet with the rain), his foot in wet sock and shoe is cold. 

"Hi," sounds behind him and instead of raindrops, shadow falls on his head. Lucas turns around and there he is - Eliott. The umbrella boy. With the fucking umbrella already above Lucas´ head. 

Lucas exhales heavy breath. "Hey."

"Are you okay?" Eliott asks with little frown. Lucas wants to laugh. He´s anything but okay today. Fucking fucking everything. 

"No," he hears himself say, even when he would never complain, especially not to absolut stranger. Nevertheless, he continues. "I had really shitty day and the bus just-," Lucas waves his hand behind the bus, which already dissapeared in the far far away. 

"That sucks, sorry," Eliott purses his pink lips symphatetically. 

Lucas shakes his head. "Whatever. I´m going to...," he motions his head to the street. "Bye."

Lucas turns to leave and takes three steps before Eliott´s voice stops him. "Wait!" Lucas turns back to him and frowns, confused. 

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to maybe... go to my place and dry a little? You´re soaked."

Um... Lucas´ brain stops in here. Did Eliott just invite him to his place? Just like that? They met three times. Is that common thing? Lucas doesn´t have much experience with this kind of stuff - meeting people on the streets and getting to know them better - at least not good ones. 

"I... no, no thanks that´s really not-"

"Come on, I live like two minutes away, right there," Eliott points somewhere behind Lucas, who turns around. "See the grey building on the second corner? That´s me."

"It´s really nice of you, Eliott, but I think I´m going to-"

In that moment, because Lucas´ day was not apparantely the worst day ever _yet_ , passing car drives into the puddle and both Eliott and Lucas are showered by stream of dirty water.   
Both of them gasp. 

There´s a minute pause when they look down at themselves and then at each other with shocked faces. 

Eliott wipes his face. "My place?"

"Yep," Lucas nods. 

"Let´s go."

  
...

  
Eliott´s place is nice. 

Nice is the right name to call it. Warm dark brown and beige tones of walls and furniture are really very calming. Lucas sits on the couch with towel in his hands from Eliott, wiping his face and drying his hair. Eliott´s making a tea in the kitchen. 

"Do you want some honey into it?" Eliott calls at him. 

"No, sugarfree, please," Lucas calls back and in the next second, Eliott is walking to him with two mugs in his hands. 

"Here you go," he puts them both on the coffee table next to the sketchbook. Eliott must be some kind of artist. There are really pretty pictures on the walls. Some of them in frames, some of them just little ones on pieces of paper. 

"Thank you," Lucas takes the mug and blows the steam away. 

"Do you want to maybe watch some movie? Do you have some time?" Eliott asks and goes to the tv, opening one drawer under it. 

Lucas doesn´t have time. He had the shittiest day and it´s still not over, he has two essays waiting for him on his desk.   
But with Eliott, here, for the first time today, he feels like some of the heaviness fell off of his shoulders.   
And it feels nice. 

"Yeah, okay," Lucas says and almost melts with that happy smile on Eliott´s face. 

  
Eliott presses play and sits next to Lucas on the couch. He´s not close, they´re not touching with any part of their bodies, so Lucas allows himself to leans his back to the backrest. 

It´s good, pleasant, peaceful, nothing´s happening. Two buddies watching movie. Normal. 

But then, after not even ten minutes of the movie, Eliott´s knee touches Lucas´, making him jump. 

"Are you okay?" Eliott asks with concern, shuffles closer. Now it´s not only the knees touching, now it´s all Eliott, being so _close_. 

"Oh my god!" Lucas jumps up from the couch.

"What happened?" Eliott looks up at him. "Are you alright?"

Lucas doesn´t know himself what happened, to be honest, he just knows that he needs some... time? To process this... situation. Oh, jesus, he´s in Eliott´s flat. He´s literally _in_ the _stranger_ ´s flat. He met him _on the street_ , for fucksake! How is he even here? What he knows about Eliott? What if he´s dangerous? What if he´s serial killer?

 _Lucas, calm the fuck down,_ Lucas thinks. _Eliott is not serial killer, he´s the nicest person you´ve ever met._

Okay, okay, that´s true true true but... but this is _too_ close and Lucas is not ready. 

"Lucas?" Eliott asks again, ready to stand up next to Lucas. 

"I´m...," Lucas thinks about some kind of excuse. "I just remembered I have two essays what need to be finished this week, so I have to go." Okay, not excuse because it´s true. But it´s not the full truth, either. Lucas could just ask what´s going on here, he could just ask Eliott what he´s planning.

Or

_Or..._

He could run. 

"Okay, bye," Lucas heads to the front door, collecting his stuff on the way: backpack, jacket, shoes. 

"Wait, Lucas," Eliott´s standing now, walking to him just when Lucas opens the front door. 

"I... Thank you, Eliott, for having me here, and for the tea," Lucas tries a smile. He needs to get his shits together, seriously. He can´t just jump every time someone touches him. It´s just that the proximity makes him nervous, that´s all.

"Um, of course, sure," Eliott smiles, still looking confused. "Will I see you around?" he asks with something what Lucas might mistakes for hope. 

"Sure thing," Lucas answers, then smiles, for real this time. "You always find me, right?" he jokes only a little. 

Eliott smiles and nods, biting his lip. "Yeah, I do," he says softly. This kind of voice Lucas hears for the first time. He shivers. "I always find you."

  
...

  
Lucas really should have ask for Eliott´s number.

Fuck.

  
...

  
When they meet for the fourth time, Lucas stops believe it´s random. This must be definitely fate. This must be some kind of game of the universe. Lucas wonders, what other Lucases are doing in this situation. Did they meet their own umbrella boy? What if in another universe just never rains? 

Lucas runs across the campus yard to the philosophy building for his next class, when he hears Eliott´s voice calling after him. 

"Lucas, wait!" he calls and when Lucas turns around just as he reaches the door, there he is - Eliott, as usually with his black umbrella above his head (because of course it´s raining, 3 weeks strong) and some huge thin files under his arm.   
Eliott stops in front of Lucas, but the grass is wet, he slips and drops those files to catch a balance. Lucas´ hand shoots and catches Eliott´s forearm before he can think about it further. 

"Thanks, oof," Eliott grins when he stands strong on his feet again. Lucas releases his hand immediately and looks down at the file which opened up. There are drawings, paintings, now getting wet with the drizzle. "Ah, shit, no," Eliott leans down to gather his stuff and Lucas bends too to help him, takes few of them to his hands. 

He holds one, and honestly, it´s freaking amazing. It looks like two worlds, one of them full of houses and buildings, the other one with nature, mountains, trees, and it´s upside down. The background is half night sky, half day. 

"This is so beautiful," Lucas breathes out. It reminds him... it reminds him exactly his-

"Ah, my parallel worlds," Eliott says, holding everything in his hands again, even the umbrella is still steadily above his head. "It´s not finished yet," he adds, maybe a little shy - maybe Lucas just imagines that. 

_What did he say?_

"Parallel worlds?" Lucas asks, looks into Eliott´s eyes. "You mean like... parallel universes?"

Eliott´s looking at him, looking like he´s considering it. "Um, yeah, but parallel worlds exist in the same universe. Parallel universes have plenty parallel worlds in it, you know what I mean?"

Lucas stares. Yeah, he knows _exactly_ what Eliott means. And this drawing is brilliant. Lucas wants to hang it on the wall in his room. He wants to look at it forever.   
He nods. And nods and nods. "Yes, I know what you mean," he says softly, but Eliott hears him even over the rain falling loudly on his umbrella. 

"I kinda like these meetings in the rain of ours," he smiles. 

"Me too," Lucas admits and smiles back. 

"I saw you here and I wanted to ask you...," Eliott says and looks down, then back to Lucas again. He takes a deep breath. "Would you, maybe, like to go out with me?" 

Lucas blinks. "Uhh... You mean out like-"

"A date," Eliott blurs out. "I mean out like on a date."

Eliott... Eliott with his freaking umbrella and pictures on the walls and kind smile and drawing of parallel worlds is asking him on a date. A _date_ date. 

"Yes." 

"Yes?" Eliott´s smile grows almost impossibly wide and bright. 

Lucas nods. "Yes. I´ll go."

"That´s- Ahh, that´s great!" Eliott almost jumps. "Amazing, yeah, so, what about... today?"

"Today?"

"Yes, um, if you´re free?" Eliott watches him, and this time, it´s definitely hope in his eyes. 

"I have two more lessons," Lucas admits. 

"In here?" Eliott points at the philosophy building behind Lucas´ back. Lucas nods. "I have one more over there," he gestures to another building across the lawn. "I´ll wait for you, here, after, if that´s okay?"

Lucas doesn´t see a reason why it shouldn´t be okay. At least, he finally knows what Eliott wants. He, most probably, doesn´t want to kill him. And he wants to go out with Lucas, he asked him on a _date_.   
Yes, Lucas definitely agrees with everything. 

"That´s okay," Lucas assures him. "I´ll be done at four."

"I´ll be here," Eliott beams. 

  
...

  
Eliott is really there. 

"Oof, I was worried we´d miss each other because I still doesn´t have your number," Eliott hands Lucas his phone. "Please? May I have your number?" Lucas types his name and number, biting his lip not to smile too wide. 

  
They go to botanic garden. 

"It´s the liveliest place in the world, is that right?" Eliott asks when he folds his umbrella once they´re inside. "Look at all the green life, all around us. Beautiful."

"Beautiful," Lucas agrees. 

And it really _is_ beautiful. So many plants, some of them don´t even look like plants but like some origami, maybe some kind of artpieces. Blooms have original colors which Lucas can´t even name.   
They´re walking side by side, talking every wierd creature of Mother Nature through, giggling at nonsenses. Time to time Eliott´s hand brushes over Lucas´ and everytime that happens, Lucas steps away. It´s the electricity, it´s too much to handle. He feels overhelmed. 

Later, Eliott walks him to his apartment, even when it´s really like 35 minutes from Eliott´s place. 

"I need to finally buy an umbrella," Lucas says when they reach his front door. 

"Please don´t," Eliott says. "You wouldn´t need me at all, with your own."

Lucas´ breath catches just a little. Just a tiny bit.   
They´re looking at each other for a moment. 

"I had very nice time, thank you," Lucas says. 

"Me too," Eliott steps closer, Lucas steps backwards and his back collides with the door. "Can we see each other again?"

"You always find me, remember?" Lucas raises his eyebrow. Yes, yes, yes, he wants to see him again, yes, yes and _yes_. 

Eliott nods. "Yes," he steps even closer and Lucas doesn´t have any space to move away. "But now I have your number, so I´ll text you, yeah?" Eliott´s breath fans over Lucas´ face. 

"Okay," Lucas says, watching as Eliott leans closer. Lucas´ heart speeds up. Eliott leans even closer and Lucas closes his eyes. He´s going to faint, for sure. What is this? Why he´s reacting like that?  
But then he feels light touch of lips on his forehead and in the next second, it´s gone.   
He opens his eyes. 

"Good night, Lucas," Eliott smiles again (or still? He´s smiling all the time) and steps backwards from him. 

"Good night," Lucas whispers. Eliott probably doesn´t hear him, but his smile widens, anyways. "Eliott."

  
...

  
Their next date supposed to be in a Zoo, but the rain was too heavy so they ended up in some indie coffee shop, where they've got delicious hot chocolate. 

Eliott was waiting for him at the history building today and when Lucas approached, Eliott presses a kiss to his forehead like it´d be absolutely common with the two of them, that Lucas didn´t even have the time to register what was happening and react properly. He would probably jump away, if he knew that´s coming, but he´s happy it happened like that. He's happy he didn't have the time to overthink every Eliott's move.   
It´s nice.   
Foreheads kisses are nice. There´s something special about them. It feels like... it feels like _care_.

  
They´re sitting opposite to each other now around the small square table, sipping from their cups the delicious liquid. 

Lucas realizes something. 

"What were you doing at the bus to my place, back then when we met?" he asks. "You live on the other side..."

Eliott looks down with shy smile. Is he blushing? 

"Yeah um.. I just wanted to spend some more time with you," he bites his lip, looking up at Lucas. 

_What?_ What is he saying... 

"But...," Lucas shakes his head to collects his thoughts. "But it was our first meeting ever, I mean... You saw me for the first time that day." 

"Um...," Eliott scratches his forehead. "It wasn't the first time, actually..."

"What do you mean?" 

"I saw you before, at the campus," Eliott says and Lucas is a little (a lot) shocked. "You didn't see me, but I saw you. When I saw you at the bus stop, all drained and so cute... I just.... Caught the opportunity to get to know you better," Eliott finishes with sweet smile and shrug. 

_Oh._

That's.... Probably the sweetest thing Lucas ever heard. 

"And I'm glad I did it," Eliott says, his eyes sparkle like midnight stars. 

Lucas is glad too. He hides his smile behind his cup. 

"So, Lucas," Eliott looks up at him. "What are you studying? I can´t believe we didn´t talk about this before."

"I study astrophysics," Lucas says and Eliott´s face goes all surprised mood. 

"Oh my goodness, that´s so cool!" he says, leans on his elbows on the table. "What do you like the most about it?"

Lucas thinks for a little. "I like that in astrophysics it all seems more real, you know? In astronomy, it´s all about the theory. But in astrophysics, you can almost... _feel_... the universe. You know how big are these objects, how big is that one specific star, how heavy, how fast she´s going or rotates...," Lucas talks and then he feels touch on his hand. His eyes snap there and there´s Eliott´s fingers caressing Lucas´ knuckles of the hand laying on the table between them. It´s just a light touch of fingers, drawing invisible lines to his skin, and it feels so good.   
Lucas focuses on the talking. "I like to have some facts. With facts, you can imagine how things look like more specificaly, right? I also love the computer modeling and simulation. It feels so real. You can almost reach your hand and _touch_..."

Eliott´s palm is now covering almost whole back of Lucas´ hand, never stops caressing, never stops the soothing movements. 

"What do you study?" Lucas asks and takes a sip from his cup. 

"Design," Eliott says with smile. "There´s bunch of artsy classes. I like it a lot. It feels like I´m not even studying because I´m enjoying it so much."

"That´s great that you like what you do," Lucas focuses on Eliott´s face. He feels Eliott´s fingers opening his clenched fist and then Eliott´s hand just holds Lucas´, thumb caressing his skin. 

"I really do," Eliott smiles and exhales long breath. His eyes sparkle. Lucas is looking at him and really, Eliott is so gorgeous, he looks like some kind of fairytale in human being. He looks stunning. _How are you so beautiful?_ Lucas thinks. "How are you so beautiful?" Eliott says out loud. 

_What?_

"What?" Lucas says. 

"What?" Eliott repeats. 

"You-"

"No, you."

Lucas blushes. "I didn´t say-"

"I did."

They´re looking at each other for a while, Lucas is confused as fuck, but Eliott.... Eliott´s shining. 

  
On their way back, Eliott reaches and takes Lucas´ hand into his. Lucas unwillingly winces before he relaxes and holds Eliott´s hand. 

"Lucas, may I ask?" Eliott says, stops in the middle of the street, holding the umbrella above their heads. Lucas looks up from their tangled fingers and nods. "Is there something wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you jump everytime I touch you?" Eliott is not smiling this time. He looks almost sad. "If you hate it, I won´t do it, just tell me what´s going on."

"No, no, it´s not that, I don´t... I don´t hate it," Lucas says in hurry. 

"Then what?" Eliott squeezes Lucas´ hand. 

"It´s just that... I´m a little... nervous," Lucas explains. That´s the right word: _nervous_. He _is_. Eliott makes him nervous. He´s just so.... ahh!

Eliott watches Lucas´ face, then slowly nods. They start walking again, side by side, joined hands hanging between them. 

"We can go slow," Eliott says when they reach his building. "We can go slow, hm?" he repeats when they´re standing face to face again. "Nothing what you wouldn´t want to do, okay? You can say stop any time."

Lucas nods. "Okay."

Eliott´s smile is back. "Okay," he leans closer again and kisses Lucas´ forehead, like the last time. "Good night, beautiful."

  
...

  
It´s just... absolutely _everything_ about Eliott. 

He´s so _amazing_ , Lucas can´t stop thinking about him. It´s not that Eliott is only beautiful - he IS beautiful, but not only that. He´s such a kind and caring and thoughtful person. Lucas feels so protected with him. And Eliott is not making it easy for Lucas (making easy to stay in line and not jump his bones), but somehow, being with Eliott is the easiest thing in this world. It´s like breathing.   
And Lucas is falling in love. 

  
Rain hasn´t stop for four weeks now. It´s exhausting, because Lucas misses the sun. But on the other hand... Eliott is there, happy to replace it. And he does such an amazing job. Two days after their date in a coffee shop, Lucas runs across the campus to his next class, when someone joins him and runs next to him, and that someone is Eliott.   
Lucas looks at him and stops. 

"Hey," Eliott says little out of breath and stops next to him. 

"Hi," Lucas smiles at him. "What are you doing?"

Eliott shrugs. "I just don´t want you to get all wet. I´m your rainy man, remember? Protecting you before the rain."

Lucas blushes and looks down. "Okay..."

"May I see you today?" Eliott asks, steps closer. 

"You see me now?" Lucas looks up at him. Eliott rolls his eyes. He´s adorable. 

"Yeah but like... later, just the two of us... not because of school," Eliott reaches his hand slowly and touches Lucas´ face, brushes the raindrops from his cheek. "I miss you."

Lucas swallows, watching Eliott´s face, his pretty eyes traveling across Lucas´ features. And his hand is so warm and it tickles in Lucas´ stomach and he´s so, so _in love._

"I´m, uh...," Lucas´ voice sounds raspy. He coughs. "I´m a little busy today, but... tomorrow? We can go to the cinema or something."

Eliott smiles and nods. "Okay. Is there something specific you want to watch?" his hand slips to Lucas´ neck. Lucas shakes his head. 

"No, you pick."

Eliott smiles wider, then leans closer. "I have to go now," he closes the distance and presses his lips to Lucas´ forehead, like he usually does so. Then he walks Lucas to the door so he wouldn´t get wet from the rain. "Have a nice day," Lucas smiles and Eliott goes, the umbrella hovering above his head. He turns around after few steps, beams when he sees Lucas still standing there and watching him. "I´ll text you!" Eliott calls after him. Lucas nods. Eliott runs across the lawn and Lucas is so, _so in love._

  
...

  
They go to the cinema the next afternoon. In the dark hall, sitting side by side, Lucas feels his heartbeat in his throat when he reaches out with his shaky all-time-cold hand and takes Eliott´s warm one, interwines their fingers. 

Eliott´s head snaps to him in surprise before his lips widens so much that his eyes look like shiny halfmoons, he lifts that Lucas´ hand up to his lips and kisses it and Lucas is so fucking in love it´s almost unbearable. 

This time, Lucas decides he walks Eliott home, because it´s always Eliott doing that for him. And Lucas wants for Eliott to know that Lucas cares about him too, that he likes him like that too. 

The walk to Eliott´s place is too short. It´s already dark outside, rain pouring down, too heavy, too loud on the top of the umbrella. They stop at Eliott´s front door. 

"And now?" Eliott asks. "Are you nervous?"

"A little bit," Lucas admits. _A lot_. But today it feels somehow different. 

"Lucas," Eliott catches his hand. Lucas watches it for a moment before he looks up to Eliott´s eyes. "I like you. I really really like you, you know that, right?"

Lucas is looking into his face and every tiny bit of it screams _honest_. He believes him. He nods. 

"And you... you like _me_ , right?" Eliott asks carefully, real question and hesitance in his eyes. Lucas feels Eliott´s fingers interwining with his own, he feels the squeeze and the caressing of Eliott´s thumb on his skin. It tickles on his palm. 

"Yeah," he breathes out. "I like you," he adds and watches Eliott´s lips widening into bright smile. 

"Okay," Eliott says, sways their tangled hands a little, not stopping the smile. 

"Okay?" Lucas is not sure what does that mean. 

Eliott nods. "Okay." 

Lucas exhales heavily. "I´m not good at this."

"At what?"

"This," he points at the space between them with his free hand. "Dating. Relantionship. It takes me so long before I start to trust someone enough to let them close to me. I´m not-," Lucas sighs again, frustrated with himself. "I´m just so..."

"So what?" Eliott asks. He never stop looking at him and Lucas is somehow more nervous about it and more... _in love._

"So wierd," he finishes. "I´m just so fucking wierd. Everybody says that."

"I´m not everybody," Eliott shrugs.

"I know, it´s just true."

"Well," Eliott looks at their joined hands, then back up to Lucas. "I like wierd."

Lucas huffs, shakes his head and looks down. 

"Lucas," Eliott steps closer, Lucas sees the tips of their shoes only inches apart. He´s afraid to look up how close is Eliott´s face now. "Lucas," Eliott says again so Lucas looks up hesitantly.  
He´s close.   
He´s _too_ close.   
Lucas feels the need to lean away but he fights with that to hold on there. 

"What are you afraid of?" Eliott asks gently, his thumb still drawing into Lucas´ palm, fingers still interwined. "I just want to... I want to hug you and hold you and touch you without you jumping everytime I´m too close."

 _I´m afraid I will not be able to stop,_ Lucas thinks. He´s afraid that once he touches Eliott like _that_ , he won´t stop. 

"Come upstairs with me," Eliott says, motions his head to the door.

"Do you have any roommates?" Lucas asks. 

"No, just me," Eliott smiles. 

"That´s even worse," Lucas tilted his head backwards and back to normal. He feels the shiver running down his spine. 

"Why is that worse?" Eliott chuckles. 

"Because noone is there to interrupt us," Lucas points at obvious fact. Until now they were always in public places, like the botanic garden or coffee shop, or cinema, or around uni campus with bunch of people walking around them. And that one time in Eliott´s flat when they were all soaked, weeks ago... they were not dating yet back then. 

"That´s the good thing about it, no?" Eliott tiltes his head to the side with sweet smile. Lucas takes a deep breath. "What if I promised you that I´m not going to touch you until you´ll touch me first?"

Lucas whines. "That´s not making it better. I´m so wayward."

"What do you mean?"

"I´m uncontrollable. I´m all hands," Lucas shakes their joined hands. "Hands everywhere."

Eliott grins and shakes his head. "What are you talking about? You´re never _hands everywhere_ with me."

"Well I am, in my mind," Lucas taps his forehead. 

"I wish I could live in your mind, then," Eliott sighs and bites his lip around a smile. Lucas focuses on the place where their hands touching just not to swoon on the wet pavement. It´s still raining, it´s just always _there_. The rain is still there. They´re not soaked, thanks to Eliott´s always-there umbrella. "Come on, come with me. I don´t want to say goodbye to you, yet," Eliott says again, quietly, only for them to hear, and Lucas goes. 

They sit on a couch next to each other, shoes and jackets off.   
Lucas sits looking around the room, over these drawings on the walls, over the vinyl collection, over the bookshelves. There´s sketchbook on the coffee table in front of them, like the first time he was here, but this time it´s opened on a blank page with few pencils around.  
Lucas is very aware of Eliott, sitting next to him, sideways, watching Lucas.   
Eliott takes Lucas´ hand in his both (Lucas jumps only a little bit), stroking his knuckles, drawing something to the back of Lucas´ hand. And, really, Eliott is so _warm_. And Lucas´ hands are cold because of the weather. But the hand is slowly getting warmer in Eliott´s hold. 

"Feels nice?" Eliott asks softly. 

Lucas nods. "Mhm," he breathes in and out. 

"Tell me something," Eliott asks, Lucas´ eyes snap to him. 

"What?"

"Tell me something about universe," Eliott says, his eyes sparkle with the gentleness and Lucas wants to melt into them. He swallows. 

"Universe is pretty huge, Eliott, you need to be more specific," Lucas raises his eyebrow and Eliott´s smile grows wider. 

"Tell me the first interesting thing about universe that comes to your mind," says Eliott and draws a spiral to Lucas´ palm. 

"You know the neutron stars," Lucas starts and Eliott shakes his head. "Neutron stars, they develope after explosion of supernova. It´s the final evolution stadium of tangible stars, you know? So, neutron stars are the fastest rotating objects in the universe. They´re rotating so fast that they´re shining. Well, not really shining, it´s like... flashes, escaping from them," Lucas talks and Eliott moves closer, one of his hands still holding Lucas´, the other one traveling up Lucas´ forearm to his elbow.   
It tickles.   
Lucas focuses on the explanation. 

"S-so," he shivers when he feels Eliott´s fingers on his biceps. "These flashes are visible only in a specific part of the universe, but astronoms could learn the rotation speed of neutron stars, and it´s seventy thousand kilometres for a second! It´s crazy."

"Crazy," Eliott agrees, his voice sounds much closer. "What else?" his hand is already on Lucas´ shoulder, fingers brushing over the colar of Lucas´ sweatshirt. 

"In the space - which is discovered by people and which we can watch - is over one hundred and seventy billions galaxies," Lucas continues, leans a little to the touch of Eliott´s hand on the back of his neck. "Which is only in the space we know about. Imagine how many others can be in the parts we don´t know about, or we will never know. Sometimes it´s a little scary to me," he admits. 

"Why scary?" Eliott asks, his leg behind Lucas´ back, the other hanging from the couch, his knee touching Lucas´. 

"Because imagine how freaking tiny we are," Lucas says. "We´re nothing in comparison to the whole universe. We´re smaller than molecule of dust. We´re basically invisible. Like we´d not even exist. We´re nothing."

"Don´t think about the scary stuff," Eliott says, his hand going up into Lucas´ hair. "Tell me something else."

"What else?" Lucas asks weakly. It feels so good. Eliott feels so good. His body is just so warm and Lucas doesn´t think about the proximity - not much, only a little - but about the warmth Eliott´s body radiates, warming Lucas´ cold skin. 

"Tell me about parallel universes," Eliott says.

"We already talked about it," Lucas says, his eyes feel the urge to close themselves. 

"I would like to know how you imagine it, hm?" Eliott continues. "How it looks like in your mind?"

"It-it looks like...," Lucas tries to collect his thoughts. "I read a book some time ago about traveling between dimensions, and it kinda reminded me parallel universes, you know? It was the same. Same people in different dimensions. Co-existing together. We can´t travel there physically, because the place doesn´t exist - at least not in our reach - but we can travel there mentally, like, our mind and soul can travel there."

"Why soul? Isn´t mind enough?" Eliott asks. "When soul leaves our body, we´ll die."

"Yeah, sorry, that was badly said," Lucas shakes his head. He´s ridiculous. Eliott moves that his back is pressed to the backrest of the couch, he´s sitting right behind Lucas now, his hand still holding Lucas´, the other one moves to Lucas´ waist. "I actually imagine it very simple. Almost like a cartoon story for little kids," Lucas huffs a laugh and Eliott behind him chuckles, his breath tickles Lucas´ neck. Lucas leans forward to the coffee table and grabs the sketchbook and one pencil. "May I?" he asks. 

"Sure," Eliott smiles, his hands - now both free - find Lucas´ hips immediately as he sits back. 

"So," Lucas holds the sketchbook and starts drawing. He used to have years of geometry, of course he can draw. He draws few circles of different sizes on the page. "Since I was little, I imagined them as a little planets, you know? Like Earth is just one of many parallel universes," he draws tiny trees all around one circle. Then houses over another one. "I know it´s childish, but in that book about dimensions, there was this similarity between some of them, but also big differencies between others," Eliott slips his hand around Lucas´ middle and tugs him backwards, so Lucas is now leaning to Eliott´s chest with his back. "That means that in one dimension are trees and nature and people are living in cottages and everything is green, and in another there´s this future life with flying silver cars and without colors and people are wearing only white, living in tall thin buildings, the higher inteligence is controlling everything, or another dimension, where everything is just the same as in our world, but my best friend´s father wouldn´t be a doctor, but a professor," Lucas´ breath catches in his throat and the line he draws turns a little crooked, when he feels Eliott´s lips on his neck. "A-and... It´s not that we can travel between them, like I would just jump into the spaceship and fly to the other parallel world, because there´s another Lucas and he wouldn´t be very happy to see that someone else is trying to take his place-"

Lucas stops drawing, stops talking. He breathes out and closes his eyes, tilts his head backwards to rest it on Eliott´s shoulder, when he feels Eliott´s lips behind his ear. 

"Tell me more," Eliott whispers to his ear. One hand travels up Lucas´ chest, the other is stroking Lucas´ cheek softly. And it´s so warm. 

"What?" Lucas whispers back. 

"When you´re talking about something you love, you don´t mind me touching you," Eliott says, his thumb caressing the soft skin under Lucas´ eye. And it feels so good, so fucking _good_. 

"No," Lucas says, opens his eyes. "No," he repeats, turns his face to Eliott´s. 

"No?" Eliott says, his movements freeze. 

Lucas shakes his head. "No," he turns around, kneels on the couch next to Eliott. "I don´t wanna talk about this anymore, I want to touch you too, Eli."

Eliott´s eyes go wide. "Okay," he swallows. His one arm is still around Lucas´ waist. 

"Okay," Lucas says and leans closer to Eliott, his hand goes up and fingertips touch Eliott´s cheek. Then fingers, then whole palm. And the other one too. Slowly traveling on Eliott´s face to his jawline and neck, then to the back of Eliott´s head, running up to Eliott´s soft hair. Seriously, Eliott´s hair feels like a silk. Lucas lets his hands there and leans closer, presses their foreheads together, closing his eyes. 

"Lucas...," Eliott whispers, his arms gripping Lucas´ waist tighter. "Come here," he tugs for his waist to brings him closer. "Come here," he repeats.   
Ah, he wants Lucas to sit on his lap. 

"I´m heavy," Lucas points out. 

"I hope so," Eliott says and so in the next second Lucas is there, sitting on Eliott´s lap. "But in your case, heavy is ridiculous word."

"Eliott," Lucas whispers, brushing their cheeks together, then pressing his nose under Eliott´s jaw and smells the sweet warm scent. It´s rain and sun and caramel and Eliott. Lucas turns his head and presses his lips there. "Eliott," he mumbles to the skin, feels Eliott´s arms tightening around him. "I like you so much," Lucas says, brushing his lips over the skin to Eliott´s ear. "So so much," he whispers there and kisses the place right behind it. 

"I like you too," Eliott breathes out, bringing his hand around Lucas´ neck, gripping his hair on the back. "I like you so much, too," Eliott adds. 

"And here, this," Lucas cups Eliott´s face and kisses his chin. "My favourite part of you," he kisses his chin again. It´s perfect. "And this," Lucas leans a little up and kisses Eliott´s forehead. "My favourite part of you, too," he whispers to the warm skin there. "And," he kisses Eliott´s left cheek. "This, too. And this, and this," he´s pressing kisses all over Eliott´s face. "I like all of you, all of it, all your parts are my favourite."

"Lucas."

"Hmm," Lucas presses their foreheads together again, brushing their noses together. 

Eliott cups his face and leans away, so they can see each other´s eyes. "If I kiss you now, will you run away from me?" Eliott asks. 

"No," Lucas answers, he´s certain about it.

"Will you panic?"

"I hope not," Lucas turns his head and kisses Eliott into his palm cupping Lucas´ face. "I like you so much," he whispers there. Eliott grabs his face firmer and brings him closer, their lips brush against each other. 

"I like you too," Eliott whispers and connects their lips. And that... _That_. That is.   
Definitely something. 

Lucas was never this close to someone, he never let anyone become so important that Lucas would let them touch him like this. Why, is the question, right? It was one date, one stupid date with one stupid guy at highschool, one stupid date with one stupid boy who thought it was okay to touch unexperienced person like _that_ on a first date. One stupid boy who thought it was okay to just go and take what he wanted without permission of the other side.   
It was one stupid date and Lucas, jumping out of the car and running running running until he couldn´t breathe and then running running running some more until he got home. 

It fucked him up for years. 

And now... there´s _Eliott_. 

Eliott, who always waits for him, who always smiles at him, who always cares about what Lucas feels and what he wants. Eliott, who always asks before he does something. Eliott, who protects Lucas in front of the rain and also, unwillingly, in front of stupid unwanted thoughts. Eliott, who´s so patient, who can go slow because he doesn´t want to make Lucas uncomfortable.   
Eliott, who´s kissing him now, his lips feels like silk, fitting to Lucas´ like they were made for each other. 

Is there any rule for opening your mouth? Is there any rule for the first kiss? Because Lucas doesn´t know about that. His mouth opens after few seconds, inviting Eliott to deepen the kiss... and Eliott does that. Lucas grabs Eliott´s hair, tugs for the strands and Eliott gasps, breaking the kiss. But Lucas´ lips can´t leave Eliott now. He can´t do that. He moves to Eliott´s jawline, then under it, then on Eliott´s neck. 

"Lucas," Eliott breathes out, his fingers running through Lucas´ hair. He kisses him again. Again and again and then he flips them over and Lucas feels the couch couchon under his back and Eliott is above him and Lucas flinches, his hands grip Eliott´s shirt tightly. "What...," Eliott pulls away to look at him. "Oh, shit, sorry, I´m sorry baby," he starts mumbling once he realizes. It was an automatic reaction of Lucas, to feel trapped like this, but he doesn´t mind, not anymore.   
It´s Eliott. 

Eliott, who´s arm slips around Lucas´ waist and pulls him up and then slowly down again, this time on top of Eliott, who´s laying on the couch.   
Lucas breathes in and out, his hands on Eliott´s chest. 

"Is it better like this?" Eliott asks softly, his arm still holding Lucas, the other one caressing his cheek. And Lucas is so in love with him. He leans down and kisses him again, pressing his chest to Eliott´s.

It´s not better.   
It´s the best. 

  
...

  
"I really, really like when you´re all _hands everywhere_ with me," Eliott says, fingers running through Lucas´ hair. "But you´re more like kisses everywhere," he adds and Lucas feels his lips on his forehead again, just there on his hairline. 

"Sorry," Lucas mumbles into Eliott´s chest, blush creeping into his cheeks. They´re laying like this for some time, Lucas can´t tell how long. It´s him on Eliott´s chest after they calmed down and their kisses stopped being so hectic and their lips were buzzing so much they almost didn´t feel them anymore. It´s Lucas hugging Eliott´s middle, brushing his lips over the fabric of Eliott´s t-shirt, and it´s Eliott, running his fingers through Lucas´ hair, caressing his back and pressing kisses to Lucas´ head. There´s some movie playing in the tv, just as a background noise because Lucas can´t tell what is that about for dear life. 

"Don´t be silly, I love it," Eliott presses his lips to Lucas´ skin again and then he pulls him closer, so Lucas´ face is burried in Eliott´s neck and their cheeks touching. Lucas wants to stay like this forever. "I like you here, like this, with me," Eliott whispers, both his arms wrapping around Lucas in a hug. Lucas presses a kiss to Eliott´s neck.   
He feels sleepy, he doesn´t even know what time is it, but he can´t find the will in him to care about it. He wants to stay like this forever. 

"I want to stay like this forever," he mumbles there, to Eliott´s heartbeat which Lucas feels under the skin on Eliott's neck, just right there. 

"Okay," Eliott says and Lucas hears the smile in his voice. And he´s so in love. 

  
It´s even later, when Lucas really might fall asleep any minute, now with soft blanket covering them both, when Eliott speaks again. 

"Lucas?" he whispers to the skin on Lucas´ temple, his hand goes down Lucas´ spine. 

"Hm?" Lucas tightens his arms around this boy. 

"You do know that I´m in love with you, right?" 

Lucas is so, _so in love._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Would you like to paint with me?" Eliott asks, putting the sketchbook down and leaning on his elbows over the coffee table, anticipation written in his face.  
> "What do you mean?" Lucas frowns. "I´m not an artist, last time I painted with actual brush was maybe in kindergarten. I only draw with pencil, sometimes, but never like-"  
> "Lucas," Eliott is suddenly right next to him on the couch, startling Lucas a little. "I don´t care about this, I only care if you think you would like it. I care if you think it´d be fun - us, painting together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When the demons from the past don´t let you go. 
> 
> Or: Lucas´ love to Eliott.
> 
> TW: talking about abuse, sexual harassement, light violence, panic attack, talking about bipolar disorder

  
The next morning, rain suddenly stops. 

The sky above Paris was blue and bright with white fluffy clouds, sun was shining and trees were green, birds were happily singing in their full crowns. 

  
Lucas woke up with his bed moving under him. When he opened his eyes, he realized it wasn´t his mattress shuffling, it was Eliott. And Lucas was not in his room, but in Eliott´s flat on Eliott´s couch, cuddled with that perfect boy who smiled like a pure sun at him, mumbling soft _good morning_ to Lucas´ skin on his temple. 

And, of course, it took Lucas a moment to remember, so he flinched away automatically before it got into his brain what actually really happened last night, all those touches and kisses and everything... And Eliott saying _I_ ´ _m in love with you_ and Lucas saying _I´m in love with you more_ and Eliott pressing his happy giggles to Lucas´ hair. 

Eliott was there, of course, patiently waiting for Lucas to decide what he´s going to do, and when Lucas recalled all of it to himself, the actions of love from the night, he hugged Eliott closer and mumbled his _good morning_ right back. 

  
"Next time, we´re going to sleep in bed," Eliott says when he stretches his body and groans with it. "However pleasant and nice it feels to sleep with you in my arms," he says, wrapping both of his arms around Lucas a little tighter, "this couch is ruining the perfect experience with how uncomfortable it is."

Lucas holds back the feeling which comes with that imagine of sleeping with Eliott in actual bed. "I don´t know what you´re talking about," he brushes his nose around Eliott´s jaw. He smells so nice in the morning. So warm and sweet. "I slept like on a cloud," he presses his smile to Eliott´s neck. 

"Okay," Eliott sighs and Lucas hears the smile in his voice. "If you´re happy, I´m happy, too."

And truth is, Lucas _is_ happy. He really is very truly happy. He feels like he couldn´t be happier even if huge truck full of strawberry ice-cream arrived to his house. Eliott is making him happy. So _happy_.   
And he doesn´t think about that there´s this boy who´s touching him like _this_ , who´s this _close_ that Lucas feels his warmth and scent and hears his breathing and feels his breath on his own face... Lucas doesn´t think about himself touching the boy right back, he doesn´t think about how his own hands feel so soft, how his own arms feel so full. How he doesn´t feel so empty inside, like he was feeling for years. 

He´s twenty one years old man and he never felt happier in his whole life. 

He never wants this feeling to stop. 

  
...

  
And now, Eliott is here in front of him, examining Lucas´ silly drawing of parallel universes with this special glint in his beautiful grey-blue eyes. "So," he says, holding his sketchbook, "you can draw," he looks up to meet Lucas´ eyes.

Lucas stops eating, fork with pancake half-way to his mouth.   
Yeah, Eliott made him breakfast pancakes and it´s delicious. 

"Um, I don´t... really," Lucas says eventually, lost in the sight of Eliott´s... _everything_. 

"Lucas, look at this," Eliott turns the sketchbook to Lucas´ so he can see his own drawing. "It´s pretty awesome."

"It´s just a quick sketch, I didn´t have the time to...," Lucas coughs when he remembers Eliott´s touches and kisses while he was drawing that, trying to explain his theory about parallel universes. "I didn´t have the time and focus to try to make it at least decent."

"So, you´re basically saying that if you have the time and, um," Eliott´s cheeks go slightly pink, "...the peace for it, you´d make it even better?"

Lucas shrugs, chewing the last bite of his pancake. "I´m not an artist, not like you are," he leans his back to the couch and hugs his knees to his chest. Eliott´s looking at him for a moment and Lucas almost feels the soft caress of Eliott´s eyes on him, traveling across his face. It feels like little sunbeams caressing his skin softly, making him shiver.

"Would you like to paint with me?" Eliott asks, putting the sketchbook down and leaning on his elbows over the coffee table, anticipation written in his face.

"What do you mean?" Lucas frowns. "I´m not an artist, last time I painted with actual brush was maybe in kindergarten. I only draw with pencil, sometimes, but never like-"

"Lucas," Eliott is suddenly right next to him on the couch, startling Lucas a little. "I don´t care about this, I only care if you think you would like it. I care if you think it´d be fun - us, painting together."

Lucas doesn´t have any time to think about it, because Eliott jumps up of the couch and goes to the cabinets in the corner of the room. 

"Look, we can pick some paint together, some colors we like, you know?" Eliott lifts up some box and comes back to Lucas. When Lucas looks into it, it´s full of paint tubes. There are dozens shades of every possible color. Eliott goes back to the cabinets. "I have canvases... what about this one?" he holds one for Lucas to see. "This one could work. Now brushes...," Eliott takes this mug full of brushes and puts it all on the coffee table in front of Lucas. "And this," he takes his pallete, last thing on the table. "That´s all we need."

Lucas looks at it all, then up to Eliott´s glowing face and he decides that _yes_ , he would really like to try and paint with Eliott. He´s not an artist, but he doesn´t think it really matters in this moment. 

"Okay," he says now and smiles at Eliott. "Okay, yes."

"Yeah?" Eliott´s smile grows impossibly wide. Lucas nods. "Yes!" He jumps back to the couch next to Lucas and cups his face - still gently, even over his energetic excitement - and Lucas freezes only for a second before he relaxes under the soft touch and Eliott is right there, cutting the distance and kissing him.   
And Lucas is not quite used to it - how could he, since last night - and he feels the butterflies in his stomach when Eliott´s lips slowly move with his own, he feels the tickling around his heart when Eliott´s thumbs caress Lucas´ cheek, he feels everything, and it´s just perfect.   
He brings his hands up to hold Eliott´s forearms because he´s a little afraid he´d lose his balance with how fast his head is spinning. Eliott tastes like pancakes with nutella.   
Suddenly Eliott pulls away and "I´ll just bring you some clothes which can be destroyed by paint, be right back!"

  
...

  
It goes like this:

"Do you want to go first?" asks Eliott and pushes the mug with brushes closer to Lucas. Lucas shakes his head. He´s not very confident in this. He never painted like this, with paintbrushes and acrylics. He doesn´t know where or how to start and he doesn´t want to look ridiculous. "Okay, I´ll do some... neutral background," Eliott takes beige and grey and then his hand just works on the white sheet, brush dances on the canvas and Lucas just watches in awe how in ease Eliott´s working. He´s so relaxed at that. He has this little happy smile in the corner of his pink lips, and he looks unbelievably beautiful. 

"Okay, your turn," Eliott looks at Lucas and his smile widens. "Do whatever is on your mind, okay? No expectations, no prompts, nothing you do is wrong, just impovize."

Improvize... easier said than done.   
Lucas looks at the canvas, the beige slowly and easily turning into soft grey. How these two colors can look pretty together? Eliott is magician. For real. Lucas takes one thinner brush and black paint. He closes one eye and tries to situated the object on the canvas in his mind. He bites his lip and let his paintbrush touch the canvas.   
He just hopes it´s not gonna be a disaster and he´s not going to destroy that for Eliott. 

He paints, line down, then on the other side, then few more in the middle, connecting them with small arcs. Fill the spaces between and then one line down and a little up at the end.   
Lucas tilts his head to the side, once he´s done, looking at his piece. It´s... tolerable. 

"There," he says and looks up at Eliott for the first time since he started painting. Eliott´s looking at the canvas, then he looks up at Lucas. His eyes are soft and shiny and pretty and his smile is wider and wider with every second. 

"You... you painted my umbrella," he says softly. 

"Yes," Lucas smiles, happy that Eliott understands his intentions. "Your turn."

  
After that, it all goes a little... wild. And definitely unexpected. 

Lucas wants to clean the paintbrush in the mug with water and he accidentaly splashes few droplets on the canvas. 

"Oh, shit...," he blurs out when he sees those black spots. "I´m sorry," he looks up at Eliott with guilty eyes of someone who just ruined some kind of masterpiece in progress.   
Eliott narrows his eyes on the canvas. 

Fuck. He´s mad. Lucas bites his lip, anxiously watching Eliott´s face. He´s definitely mad. Fuck, Lucas never should have agreed to this. Painting? _Him_? _Nope_. Nu-uh. 

"Nevermind," Eliott shakes his head, dips his paintbrush in water and then in blue paint and splashes it over the canvas (and half the coffee table). Lucas frowns, Eliott smiles. "Jackson Polock style. Great idea, Lucas," Lucas looks up at him, all taken aback. He, of course, heard about Jackson Polock before, but he never thought that- "Your turn," Eliott nudges his shoulder. 

So, Lucas dips his brush in water and light pink and splashes it over the canvas, too. Eliott laughs and splashes gold. Lucas takes green. It´s a mess, absolut mess, and it´s fun, and both of them are smiling so wide, and Lucas doesn´t even realize that he´s panting, seriously panting, gasping for air. Who would thought that art can also be physically laborious, right? He feels the muscles in his whole arm working when he´s splashing paint over the canvas, and when he takes a little break to look at Eliott, seeing his biceps thickening and relaxing over and over again, it... does some kind of things to his stomach. 

At the end, the canvas is colorful mess, same as the coffee table. And their shirts. And few other stuff. The umbrella is now only slight silhouette behind all the paint and it looks actually good, Lucas has to admit. It looks great for his first try. It looks like rainbow rain, which is kinda cool. 

"Now we just let it dry," Eliott decides when his breathing calms down, too. "Can´t wait to hang it on my bedroom wall," he grins happily at Lucas. 

"You want to hang it up?" Lucas asks, surprised. He thought this is just... for fun. Not that Eliott would actually really want to use it and show it to people. 

"Of course! This is the first artpiece we created together," Eliott steps closer to Lucas. "I hope it´s not the last," he says softly and Lucas is not sure if he can hold the piercing gaze for too long. 

"B-but you... you want... for everyone to see?" Lucas asks dumbily, taking a small step back. 

Eliott smiles and shrugs. "I would make posters and put it on every bus stop in the city for everyone to see. But on the other hand," he takes another step to Lucas. "On the other hand, I´m too selfish, when it comes to you. I don´t want to share. And this," he nods his head to the canvas on the coffee table. "This is _ours_ , it´s private. That´s why it will be in my bedroom. I don´t know about you but I don´t bring people to my bedroom, just like that. It´s only for me...," his hand slips around Lucas´ waist, "...and you."

Well, _fuck_. 

"Yeah?" Lucas breathes out when he feels Eliott´s other hand running through his hair. 

"Mhm," Eliott nods, leans a little down and brushes their noses together. 

What were they talking about? Lucas suddenly can´t remember. He´s holding his breath, feeling the warmth from Eliott´s skin, his warm hands, his warm face, everything about him is just so _warm_.   
What time is it? Lucas should probably go. Or, or they could go together, somewhere, anywhere... Lucas doesn´t remember he would hear the rain since he woke up this morning. The sun is shining, it´s beautiful day, they could go somewhere. 

"Would you... like t-to go for a lunch?" Lucas says in low voice to the tiny gap between them, closing his eyes when he feels Eliott´s lips on his cheek. He grabs Eliott´s t-shirt into his paint-covered hands just to hold onto something. 

"Mhmm...," Eliott breathes out, his lips send vibrations to Lucas´ skin, when they travel to his ear and down to his neck. "I would love to, but-," his lips go up to Lucas´ chin, kissing the corner of Lucas´ lips. 

"But what?" Lucas´ whispers, Eliott´s fingers gently grips the hair on the back of Lucas´ head. 

"But I would like you to help me pick a place for our painting, first," Eliott says, pressing their foreheads together. "Come with me," Eliott tugs Lucas and they stumble few steps together. Lucas holds Eliott tighter around his waist. 

"I should...," he starts, swallows heavily when he feels Eliott´s hands on his neck. "I should probably go home," he states weakly. 

"No, don´t go, don´t go yet," Eliott hugs him closer, their chests are pressed together now. "Stay with me for today, please," Eliott kisses Lucas´ cheekbone. "Please," kiss on the other side. Lucas is weak. Noone can blame him. Eliott is warm and he feels so _safe_ and he smells so _nice_ and he wants him to stay, he actually wants to be with Lucas... and Lucas is weak.   
He sighs, already giving up in his mind.   
Who is he kidding, anyways? He doesn´t want to leave. He just thought that he should go home, take a shower, put on some clean clothes... basic stuff. 

Lucas tiltes his face up and brings his hand to cup Eliott´s face. His hand is cold, as usually, and Eliott´s warmth almost burns his skin, but Lucas feels himself melting inside. Noone ever makes him feel so good and so much, as Eliott does with everything he´s doing. 

"So?" Eliott presses their foreheads together. 

"So what?" Lucas doesn´t remember what they were talking about seconds ago.   
He´s in too deep, already. 

"Will you stay? With me?" Eliott asks. "Please please please."

"Okay," Lucas sighs, defeated, but when he sees Eliott´s blinding smile, he might actually be the real winner here. 

  
...

  
"Why are you smiling like that?" Arthur nudges Lucas´ shoulder. 

"Like what?"

"Like that," Arthur mimics dumb smile, making Lucas snorts. 

"I´m not doing such a thing."

"You so do," Yann joins their conversation. "So? What´s going on? You look so damn happy, I would like to know what is the reason for my little Lulu´s smile. Hm?"

"It´s nothing," Lucas tries to shake them off. 

"It´s not nothing, Lu, when you looking like that," Basile says. "You´re literally glowing."

And Lucas knows he can tell them. They are his best friends... but somehow he wants to keep it to himself. About him and Eliott. About them being together. He doesn´t want to share him, not yet. And yes, they´re dating for almost two months and it´s wonderful, every single minute with him is wonderful, but he´s actually pretty damn good at keeping secrets to himself, so he didn´t tell boys yet. 

Maybe now is the right time?

Lucas shrugs, trying to act casual. "I´m just... happy," he smiles down on the pavement. 

"Yeah no shit," Arthur grins. "What´s the reason?"

"It´s... a boy," Lucas says eventually. 

"A..A boy? A _boy_ boy?" Basile´s eyes widen, same as Yann´s and Arthur´s. 

"Yes. A boy. His name is Eliott," Lucas says and he can´t control the softness in his voice when he says Eliott´s name. It´s automatic thing, when it comes to him. 

"You met a boy," Yann states. Lucas nods. "Is that serious between you two?"

"Yes."

"For how long is it serious?" Arthur asks.

"For couple of weeks...," Lucas mumbles. 

"Weeks?!" Basile screams. Arthur slaps him to his chest. 

"Okay, okay," Yann nods few times, pursing his lips, but Lucas can see how happy he is for him. Yann is the best, since high school. He´s the best friend anyone could ask for. "When are we meeting him?" 

"Umm...," Lucas shuffles on his feet. "I don´t know, I actually wanted to keep it private, for some more time... if that´s okay?" he looks over his friends´ faces. 

"Of course it´s okay, Lulu," Arthur pats Lucas´ shoulder and Lucas steps out of the reach - slowly, not to make it wierd. 

"Yeah, we will wait for whenever you´re ready," Basile adds. 

"Thanks," Lucas breathes out with relief. 

"We´re happy for you, Lu," Yann says and Lucas almost chokes with the honesty in Yann´s dark eyes. Best friend in the world. 

  
...

  
"I love this," Eliott says, looking closely at the poster of stages of the Moon on the wall in Lucas´ bedroom. "Do you speak latin?" he turns to Lucas, who´s watching him, still standing at the door. 

It´s not the first time Eliott is in Lucas´ flat, but it is the first time he´s in Lucas´ bedroom. Lucas felt a little anxious letting him in, because this is, after all, Lucas´ safe space, his room, his privacy. But Eliott makes everything so easy for him, and Lucas can feel himself slowly relaxing. 

"A little," Lucas answers. "I know the space vocabulary, mostly."

"How do you say the Moon in latin?" 

"Luna."

Eliott laughs. "Easy. Shit, I should choose something harder." Lucas bites his lip to stop the grin creeping on his face. "Hm... what about... constellation?"

"Constellatio," Lucas says and giggles when he sees Eliott´s rolling his eyes. 

"Sheesh, is everything in latin so easy?"

"I don´t know," Lucas shrugs, leans his back to the closed door. "Try something else."

"Okay then... what about...nebula?"

"Nebula."

"Are you making these up?" Eliott narrows his eyes on Lucas and Lucas can´t help but laughs out loud. 

"No, you´re just too easy."

"How do you say stardust?"

"Stella pulvis."

"Hmm...," Eliott smiles. "Nice one." He steps closer to Lucas. "You´re so smart."

"I bet that you would know billion things about art I have no clue about, and then you´re the smart one," Lucas lets Eliott hold his hand in his both, swing them between them. 

"For example what?" Eliott smiles.

"Hm... Who made the scary painting with the... monster eating the poor human? His arms already missing, and his head, too, I think..."

Eliott chuckles. "[Saturn eating his son](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/82/Francisco_de_Goya%2C_Saturno_devorando_a_su_hijo_%281819-1823%29.jpg/1200px-Francisco_de_Goya%2C_Saturno_devorando_a_su_hijo_%281819-1823%29.jpg)?" he asks, amused. 

"That one."

"Goya did."

"Hmm," Lucas nods, not really impressed because _of course_ Eliott knows that. "And what about that one, where the Russian tsar holding the dead man in his arms?"

"I think you mean [Ivan the Terrible](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/33/Iv%C3%A1n_el_Terrible_y_su_hijo%2C_por_Ili%C3%A1_Repin.jpg), and he´s holding his own son who he killed before," Eliott says. "The artist was Ilja Repin."

"Shit, why I know only these kind of stuff about art...," Lucas wonders. Seriously, the topic he chose... it´s terrible. Father-son issues. How fitting. "What about the... the scary painting called [Witch Sabbath](https://images.fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/mediumlarge/3/8-witches-sabbath-francisco-goya.jpg), or something like that?"

"Goya again."

"Deep," Lucas says. "He had his way to express things."

"He was mentally ill," Eliott says, his voice quiet. "He had his demons."

Lucas nods. "That I can understand."

"Me too," Eliott says. They both look at each other at the same time. 

"What?" they say unison. "What did you say?" again both of them. "Nothing."

There´s short silence. 

"Let´s talk about something nice, hm?" Eliott steps closer, squeezes Lucas´ hand in his. "Tell me how do you say... sky... in latin."

"Caelum," Lucas smiles up at him. 

"Do you know.. your eyes are like calelum?"

"Caelum."

"Caemul?"

"It´s caelum," Lucas grins.

Eliott sighs. "I changed my mind. Talking is stupid. We should just kiss."

"Maybe we should," Lucas´ last word is cought on Eliott´s lips. 

  
...

  
Lucas became so relaxed in Eliott´s proximity, that he forgot it wasn´t always like that, since the very beginning. He didn´t flinch with every little touch of Eliott´s hands anymore, he didn´t pull away when Eliott stands too close. He didn´t step aside when their arms accidentaly brush against each other.   
He stopped controlling himself, controlling his every move, every thing he says, every look in Eliott´s directions. He cought himself reaching out for Eliott´s hand, wrapping his arms around his waist, brushing his hair from his forehead, dropping kisses to his shoulder when they´re walking hand in hand down the street, or kissing Eliott´s cheek, when they´re in the cinema or sitting next to each other in the bus. 

He forgot his demons. 

The thing is... his demons didn´t forget him. 

  
...

  
**Lucas:**  
_Do you want that sugary bomb again?_

  
Lucas types this message to Eliott while stepping into the coffee shop. 

  
**Eliott:**  
_If you mean the heaven in coffee cup, then yes, I want that sugary bomb, please_ ♥

  
Lucas grins at his phone screen. 

  
**Eliott:**  
_And please, hurry, I miss you._ ♥♥

 **Lucas:**  
_There´s line from the counter to Jupiter, it´s gonna take a while_ :(

  
Lucas bites his lip around smile. There´s like three or four people before him in the line, so he won´t wait too long. But he secretely loves the feeling he gets into his heart and stomach when Eliott is being so damn cute and sweet. 

  
**Eliott:**  
_Tell them to let you go first_ :( 

  
**Lucas:**  
_Not doing such a thing._

  
**Eliott:**  
_Do those puppy eyes on them, like you´re doing with me._  
_I´m not the only one who´s weak against the power._ ♥

  
Lucas blushes. 

  
**Lucas:**  
_I´ll be there in 15 minutes_ ♥

  
**Eliott:**  
_Told you it will work!_  
_Can´t wait_ ♥  
_The movie is set up_ ♥

Lucas goes to the counter and orders two caramel macchiatos with whipped cream, chocolate topping and cookie crumbs on top. Yes, Lucas loves the sugary bomb, too. 

He stands back, leans against the wall in the corner as he waits for his order to be ready. It´s then when he sees him. 

He´s at the counter, talking to the barista. 

Lucas´ throat is closing up, he can´t breathe. What is he doing here? Why is he here, in this end of the city? How is... How is that possible that he´s at the same time in the same place as Lucas is? Why is universe such a fucking bitch to Lucas, all the damn time?

Lucas can´t but stare at him, frozen in shock. He´s praying to be invisible, just for a moment, just for a minute, so Ricardo wouldn´t notice him, but, of course-

"Lucas?"

Lucas fights with the urge to throw up.

"Lucas, is that you?" Ricardo is stepping closer, watching Lucas up and down with smile on his lips. Lucas can´t move. "Oh my god, such a nice surprise.... and hot. Hot surprise. Damn, you look great."

Lucas can´t say shit. He´s standing there like an idiot, his hands gripping the edges of cold wall behind him.

"What, did you lose your tongue, or what?" Ricardo laughs at his own joke. Lucas remembers how he used to like to watch when Ricardo was laughing and how happy it made him when Lucas was the reason for that laughter. Handsome italian boy, on a date with Lucas. Lucas! From all people!  
Lucas recalls these memories and he swallows the bitter taste on his tongue. 

"I... I have to go," he chokes out now, praying for his wobbly legs to not give up under him. 

"Oh, no, why´s the hurry?" Ricardo steps closer. He´s too _close_ , Lucas doesn´t like it. He feels the anxious pain spreading all over his chest. 

"I need to go," Lucas says, taking steps to the side when there are hands gripping his sweatshirt on his hips.

"I think you owe me something, don´t you think?" Ricardo says and Lucas shudders. This is too much, too _too much_ , this is not okay. 

"N-no."

Why nobody sees this? Lucas looks around the coffee shop. There´s so many people, someone has to noticed them, no?   
But they all look so busy. More than half of them is staring into their phone screens. 

_Fuck_. 

"Yes, you do," Ricardo says now, Lucas feels his breath smelling like cigarette smoke faning over his face. He´s going to be sick. "You have to make it up for me for the last time."

Last time. 

Almost 5 years ago. 

"Leave me alone," Lucas states and it sounds way more weak than he wanted it to. 

"I know you wanted it," Ricardo coys at him, his face so close, his hands tugging for Lucas´ sweatshirt and Lucas can´t fucking _breathe_. He rips his sweatshirt from the grip and then he´s running and running, out of the coffee shop to the street, running and running to his apartment bulding, which, normally, would took him at least twenty minutes of normal walking, but now he´s running like crazy, his lungs heaving in his chest. 

He remembers sixteen years old himself saying "Stop, stop, I don´t want this." And he remembers Ricardo saying "Come on, I see how you´re looking at me, I know you want it." And he said "No, I don´t want this, I´m not ready," and then Ricardo gripped Lucas´ tigh and Lucas jumped out of the car and ran ran ran. 

Now, Lucas is running running running home. He feels his phone vibrating in his pocket and it´s most probably Eliott and, _oh fuck_ , he forgot to pick up their coffees, but he can´t think about it right now, he has to go go go, he feels Ricardo´s hands on himself and he needs them to be _gone_. 

He stops at his building and leans to the wall, his stomach swirling and curling inside. He´s breathless, his sweatshirt feels heavy and disgusting on him and Lucas strips that off like it´d be in fire and throws it into the trashbin outside of the building.

Then he runs up the stairs and into his apartment and locks the front door and then locks himself in the bathroom, stripping from all his clothes, throwing it away and stepping under the showerhead - even when the water is not warm yet. 

He stands there, shivering under the cold water, which is slowly turning into warmer and warmer and maybe now it´s too warm, or not, Lucas can´t really tell because he´s still shivering, he´s shaking. He takes the shower gel and washes his body, he´s scratching every little inch of his skin, even his face. He´s washing his hair aggressively and then he reaches for his toothbrush and brushes his teeth, still standing under the stream of water.   
He inhales the toothpaste, then the shower gel and shampoo, trying to get out the memory of Ricardo´s smell. 

Lucas stands under the pouring water for some time. When he gets out of the bathroom, he puts on some clean sweatpants and oversize hoodie, lifting the hood over his head, when he hears the knock on his front door.   
It scares him like hell. 

And then there´s this voice. "Lucas? Lucas, baby, are you there?"

 _Eliott_. 

_Oh shit_ , Lucas totally forgot he was suppose to meet Eliott in his flat to watch a movie. He forgot about their coffees, which he already paid for. 

"Lucas?" Eliott knocks again. Lucas pads across his flat on the wooden floor and opens the door. Eliott is there, all beautiful, like always, breathing out with relief. "Lucas, I was worried about you, I texted you and called you and you-," he´s stepping into the flat and reaching his hands for Lucas but Lucas steps backwards, once again terrified of the touch.  
He knows this is _Eliott_ and he knows Eliott is basically the equivalent of safety, but... but he feels the panic growing inside his ribcage and he can´t take it, he just _can´t._

Eliott stops in his tracks. "Lucas?" he takes in the water dripping from Lucas´ wet hair down his neck, Lucas´ facial expression, Lucas´ arms hugging himself tightly around his chest. "Lucas, what happened?" he takes two more steps closer, closing the door behind him and reaching his hand again. 

"No," Lucas shakes his head rappidly. "No, please," he feels the sob escaping his mouth. 

"What´s going on?" Eliott looks at him with worry in his pretty eyes. 

"Don´t, please," Lucas whimpers and tears fall down from his eyes. "Please don´t touch me," he´s stepping back until his back collides with the cabinet he has by the living room wall.

Eliott looks absolutely shocked. "Okay, okay, I won´t," he says quietly. "What happened, sweetheart?"

But Lucas can´t tell him, can he? At least not now. Not right now, when his lungs feel so small, when his heart beats like crazy, when he feels so _disgusting_. When his breathing is fast like he´d just ran fucking marathon. He shakes his head and slips down to the floor, knees to his chest, crouching in the corner. 

"Lucas, you´re scaring me," Eliott stands frozen few steps away from Lucas. "What... are you... are you hurt?"

Lucas shakes his head, he doesn´t want to worry Eliott even more, but he´s panicking and he can´t find in himself to speak like a normal functional human being. 

Eliott lowers himself until he´s sitting on the floor too, leaning his side to the wall, few steps from Lucas, watching him with concern. Lucas tries really hard to calm down his breathing, but he can´t. He can´t stop the tears, he can´t stop the rapid beating of his heart and he can´t stop the feeling of absolut disgust with himself, he needs another shower.   
But, on top of that, he can´t find the strenght in himself to stand up and go. 

There´s silence for some time, Lucas´ can´t focus, he´s trying to calm his breathing down, but he´s sobbing and every breath hurts inside his chest.

"Did I ever tell you why I started making art?" Eliott´s voice breaks through the silence, Lucas doesn´t know how much time passed, he counts his inhales but it´s too many, too many. 

Lucas shakes his head. "No," he whimpers, brushing his cheeks, but new tears are falling down. 

"Do you want to hear that?" Eliott asks and Lucas nods. He wants to hear everything from Eliott. And he wants to focus on something else, he needs to hear it, he needs to hear literally anything else than his own mind. 

Eliott sits more comfortable (if it could ever be comfortable sitting on the cold floor in dark apartment) and starts talking. His voice is quiet and melodic and calm.   
"I was little kid, I think I could be... like eight or nine years old, when we left on a vacation, me and my parents. For week, to the sea. It was the best week of my life, back then, I was so happy and my parents were so happy and we were singing in the car on the way back... but when we came back home... everything changed."

Lucas can´t find in himself to react properly, but he´s listening now. He´s listening and he´s glad he can focus on something else than his panic mood. His eyelids feels like they weigh ton. 

Eliott continues. "We came back home and our house was... empty. Totally empty, nothing left. Our stuff, furniture, paintings from walls... everything was gone. We were robbed. The only thing the robbers left was kitchen counter, cabinets and island, because they couldn´t steal something what was basically glued to the room... oh and they left there also our family photographies in frames on walls... Nothing else."

Lucas imagines what was it like, coming home after week on the vacation to... nothing. 

"I came to my room and it was empty, too. My bed was gone, my wardrobe with all my clothes, table, chair, all my toys... everything. Empty room with open window," Eliott sighs. His voice doesn´t sound sad, he sounds like he´s telling a story. Nothing more. "It... it wasn´t my fault, I left the window closed when we were leaving, my mom checked it after me to be sure. We were careful, everything was closed and locked, alarm was on, but...," Lucas registers him shrugging. "Police have never found the robbers, we never got our stuff back. They probably took it abroad and sold it, or something like that."

Lucas listens, his breathing gets calmer. He feels sorry for little Eliott and his family losing all their stuff, it must have been terrible. 

"It took my parents quite time to make from the empty house something what would feel like home again. The first thing they got was bright new security systhem, of course," Eliott´s voice is so calming and soft. And nice. And Lucas loves listening to him, even when he doesn´t love what happened to him. "The first thing my mom bought me was thick sketchbook and set of coloured pencils. It wasn´t a toy, not exactly, but she said it will be the best thing for me to spend my time with. Drawing. Creating. She said it will be the best because it won´t bore me after five minutes, not like if she´d bought me like.. a stuffed animal." 

Lucas closes his eyes, he feels so heavy. 

"And she was right, of course," Eliott´s voice sounds quieter now. "We slept on mattresses until we bought new beds, so I was constantly in my almost empty room, sitting on the floor, drawing. Later, my parents bought me brushes and paint and they hung my art pieces on the walls to make the house a little more cozy, like it was before. I never wanted new toy, after that. I only wanted colorful pens, brushes, sketchbooks...," Eliott chuckles. "Yeah I was a wierd kid. Like, _really_ wierd."

 _No,_ Lucas thinks. _You were amazing. You still are. Even more._

"Anyways, yes, the robbery in our house was mainly the reason why I started making art. It didn´t leave me since then. I know this reason is terrible and also, I definitely don´t want to say something stupid like... so it was a good thing they robbed us of everything... or that I should thank the robbers for making me start creating... definitely not. It´s just that... it really is the reason why I started. I can´t be destroyed by this event, because I was too small to understand the seriousness, so, yeah. That´s basically it."

There´s silence for a moment and Lucas doesn´t know if he´s already sleeping or not yet, but then he hears Eliott´s whisper: "Lucas?" and it sounds like a whisper of dream in his ears. He´s all crouched in the corner, his back leaning to the cabinet behind him, head against the wall, it´s cold and he´s shaking, his hair still wet from the shower, his feet bare because he forgot to put on some socks when Eliott was knocking at the door. 

"Lucas, baby?" Eliott speaks again but Lucas is already only seconds away from sleep. He feels warmth around him all of sudden, he feels like floating, his head falls to the other side. "Shhh, you can sleep," soft soft voice whispers and lips press to his forehead. 

He sleeps. 

  
...

  
Lucas wakes up in his own bed with strong headache. He blinks his eyes open and there´s Eliott, laying next to him, close enough to reach and touch but he´s not touching Lucas, he´s watching his face quietly and Lucas can almost feels his worry all around the room.

That´s when it hits him again, the events from the coffee shop. Ricardo being there, after all these years, fucking him up again, like it wasn´t enough when Lucas was sixteen years old boy.   
Lucas feels his eyes itching. He´s gonna cry again. For sure.  
_Fuck_. 

And he needs another shower.

"I´m sorry, I know I probably should have left," Eliott says in quiet voice, slowly reaching his hand to touch Lucas. "I... I just, I-I didn´t want you to be alone," his hand is hovering above Lucas´ shoulder for a second before Eliott takes it back.

And Lucas is suddenly full of it, of everything. He´s full of the fear he felt since he was sixteen, he´s full of the disgust he feels to other people´s touches. He´s full of his own reactions to situations like that. He´s full of his own fucking fears and actions, of his demons from the past.   
And, most importantly, he´s full of fond and love and appreciation for Eliott. And he feels the need to hide himself in front of the world, in front of everything, he needs to hide and stay there, so noone could see him like this, noone could find him. 

He feels the tears falling down his cheeks and he reaches his hands to Eliott, grabs his t-shirt and tugs for it and Eliott goes, immediately, closer and closer and Lucas presses him on top of himself, holds him tightly around his neck and back, clinging on him desperately, and he doesn´t care that breathing is getting harder with the weight of Eliott on him, on his chest, on his body, he needs Eliott to cover him like a blanket, hide him in front of everything.   
And he wants to ask, _Can I hide myself in you? Can you hide me in yourself? Can you do it for me?_

He squeezes Eliott´s tighter, his arms hurt but Lucas doesn´t care a bit, he hugs him closer, takes a shaky breath, tears keep falling down, and he whispers to Eliott´s hair: "Can we stay like this for some time, please?"

Eliott wraps his arms around Lucas and presses his lips to the place between Lucas´ shoulder and neck. "Of course," he mumbles to Lucas´ skin. "Of course, we can, darling."

Lucas´ hold tightens, he lets his eyes closed to stop the tears, but they keep coming, unwanted, uninvited. But Eliott holds him, so Lucas might won´t fall apart. "Thank you," he breathes out.

  
...

  
Lucas´ arms loosen their grip after some time, they hurt and Lucas feels weak. They slip down from Eliott, stay laying unmoving on the mattress. Tears stop falling to his cheeks, eyes red and painfully burning. 

Eliott pulls away, just a little, just to hold himself up on his elbows to give Lucas the space for easier breathing. He stays quiet, looking at Lucas, concern and questions are so obviously written in his beautiful eyes but he says nothing. His hand slowly reaches up to brush hair from Lucas´ forehead, then keep running slowly through Lucas´ hair, caressing his cheeks, his fingers drawing invisible lines across Lucas´ features. Touches so soft it´s almost like butterfly´s wings opening and closing on Lucas´ skin. 

Eliott doesn´t ask about anything. He´s there, close, his touches warm and soft, slow and comforting, his eyes caring and pretty, and Lucas is fighting with himself inside his mind. He needs to tell Eliott, obviously, he needs to tell him, to explain. It´s not his fault, Eliott is innocent in this and he needs to know how much is Lucas fucked up just because one stupid night with one stupid boy. He needs to tell him.   
He has to tell him. 

"I´m- I´m sorry," Lucas starts, his voice less than a whisper. 

Eliott shakes his head, then leans closer and presses his lips to Lucas´ forehead. Lucas remembers these days, back then, when they were only starting together and Eliott was always there, kissing his forehead like this, like Lucas would be something special. 

"It´s okay," Eliott whispers there, to Lucas´ skin, kisses the place again and then presses their foreheads together. "It´s okay."

Only that it isn´t okay. It´s not okay at all. 

"I have to tell you...," Lucas starts again and coughs to clear his throat. 

"You don´t have to tell me anything if you´re not ready, Lucas, you know that, right?" Eliott asks softly. "You can tell me later... or never, if you don´t want to," his hand cups Lucas´ cheek, thumb brushing Lucas´ skin. 

Lucas is so in love with him, it fills his chest and gives him the courage to head up and speak.   
He is ready. 

  
He told him, everything.   
_There was this boy. He asked me on a date shortly after my coming out. He was so nice to me. He invited me to dinner and watch some movie in the cinema after... and I let him. He was older than me and I felt so hyped up with the imagine that older handsome guy wanted to date me... The boy was all nice and polite and funny, and then he offered he´ll take me home in his car. When we sat in the car, he didn´t look like he wanted to drive... We were sitting in the car on a parking spot in front of the cinema, it was late and not many cars left there... and he put his hand on my leg, then he went up and he... he touched me like that and I told him to stop, many times, but he didn´t, he didn´t listen, he didn´t stop, and I was fighting with him and he started insulting me with ugly words, he pinched my leg and he slapped my face and I eventually got out of the car and then I ran and ran and I kept running..._

  
Eliott´s watching Lucas´ face the whole time, pain written in his features. But it´s not all, he needs to know everything. 

"I met him yesterday in the coffee shop, he recognized me, he noticed me before I have a chance to leave," Lucas shudders. "He- he started...," Lucas swallows, "...he told me I owe him and he touched me and I-"

Lucas cuts himself short because he feels his eyes itching _again_. 

"Lucas," Eliott stares at him with horror in his starry eyes. "That´s... I-I don´t know what to say, it´s- I´m so _sorry_ ," he shakes his head and bites his wobbling lip.

"I ran from the coffee shop and I ran home and I forgot about our meeting I´m sorry-"

"Shhh, it´s not important," Eliott presses his forehead to Lucas´ again. "Important is that you´re okay. Are you? Are you okay?" Eliott pulls away to search in Lucas´ face. 

Lucas nods. "Yes," he whimpers in high pitched voice, but it´s really not the truth. Eliott knows it, but he doesn´t say anything, he just leans down to hug Lucas again and then he rolls onto his back to have Lucas pressed on top of him. 

"I will never let you go alone there. Anywhere. Ever again, I promise," he says in solid voice, kissing Lucas into his hair and pulling the blanket over them. Lucas feels like on the date back then, in Eliott´s flat, the first time he touched Eliott, the first time they kissed, the first time they fell asleep exactly like that, but on Eliott´s couch instead of Lucas´ bed. 

And, really, they are cuddled in Lucas´ bed and Lucas feels nothing less than the need to stay like this, forever. 

"Can you stay?" he asks Eliott. "Please?"

"Of course," Eliott says and brings his hand to Lucas´ face, his thumb brushing Lucas´ cheek, hand is holding him closer. "I won´t leave you."  
It sounds like a promise. 

"I´m so sorry you were robbed as a little boy of all your stuff," Lucas says after some time of them just existing together like one. 

"It´s okay," Lucas hears the smile in Eliott´s voice. It makes him smile a little, too. 

"Thank you," Lucas snuggles closer, closing his eyes. He needs to sleep it off. 

"For what?" Eliott murmurs, bringing the duvet around Lucas´ shoulders. 

"For you."

  
...

  
Eliott stays with Lucas the next day.  
Lucas wakes up few minutes before Eliott, and in the silence he just lays there, watching the soft caring boy, and thinks about the events of previous day. 

Truth to be told, he feels some kind of relief. Relief, that someone else knows. That Eliott knows. It´s been five years and he didn´t tell even his best friends. Yann doesn´t know about it, about Ricardo and the date... and he knows basically everything about Lucas since they were little.   
And now there´s Eliott. And Lucas never felt so... protected, with anyone, before. So he told him, he told Eliott everything. And it feels... it feels a little like a freedom. The heaviness in Lucas´ chest doesn´t suffocate him anymore. It´s, of course, still there, but it´s way more bearable. 

Eliott wakes up slowly, snuggles closer to Lucas, touching him with the most delicate gentle touches and hugging him closer. 

"I just love waking up with you next to me," he murmurs to Lucas´ hair. "It´s the best feeling in the world, I swear."

Lucas can´t speak for a moment, but oh, how he understands exactly what Eliott means by that. It really is the best feeling ever. And falling asleep with Eliott. And spending time with Eliott. And... being with Eliott, in general. 

"Being with you is the best feeling ever," Lucas says out loud, not ashamed a bit. Okay maybe a little bit shy, maybe his cheeks go little hot and maybe his heart aknowledges that, too. But it is what it is. And Lucas said only truth.   
When he thinks about it, he never ever lied to Eliott, not even once. They´re joking and he´s making up stories only to tease Eliott, sometimes, but Eliott always knows it´s a tease and he plays along with Lucas.   
But everything between them is just a truth, from the very beginning. 

"You mean it?" Eliott asks and Lucas pulls a little away to look at him. Eliott looks shy, his eyes sparkle, and his cheeks are pink. The sweet smile on his lips is just so beautiful and Lucas doesn´t even have the chance to think it through when he leans forward and kisses him. 

"Yes," he answers then, looking into Eliott´s eyes. "Yes, I mean it. Thank you for being so... you."

"Thank you for trusting me and letting me close to you," Eliott says, his hand cups Lucas´ face. 

"Thank you for your patience."

"Thank you for giving me a chance."

"Thank you for being even bigger sap than me," Lucas says and grins when Eliott laughs. "Or at least pretending you are, so I´d feel better."

Eliott laughs again and shakes his head. "I´m not pretending. Never with you."

Lucas already knew it, but now it just makes him feel some kind of way. Eliott brushes Lucas´ hair away from his face and looks at him. "You know, there´s this [oil painting of sunset by Jacki Newell](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/0e/49/04/0e4904488374888787c2c90459afe0ee.jpg). You remind me of that."

"Of sunset?"

"Of that painting."

Lucas feels all warm inside, it´s growing again, that feeling he has for Eliott. "I´m so, so in love with you," he says like a statement of the year and Eliott´s face is literally glowing like a sunshine.

"I´m in love with you more," Eliott says and surges forward to kiss the smile on Lucas´ lips. 

  
...

  
Whole week after the coffee shop incident, Lucas walks with Eliott down the street hand in hand. It´s beautiful sunny day, it didn´t rain in Paris since the morning almost two months ago when Lucas woke up in Eliott´s arms for the first time. Lucas has to admit, he misses Eliott´s always-there black umbrella. But Eliott, all bathed in sunbeams, is stunning, so it´s not that bad, after all. 

"We´re gonna go to the coffee shop where we were on our second date, yeah?" Eliott suggests now and squeezes Lucas´ hand and pulls him closer, so their arms touching with the whole lenght. 

"Okay," Lucas smiles up at him. "It´s like ten minutes that way, right?" he asks and lifts his hand to points to the street on their right, when he stops, frozen in place, again. 

There´s Ricardo, leaning to the building wall with phone pressed to his ear, obviously talking to someone. 

Fuck, what is he doing here? Why did Lucas´ demons just decide to show up again, after all these years? 

"Lucas?" Eliott´s saying. "What are you looking at?" he asks and looks in that direction. 

"Lucas!" Ricardo calls out, smirks and walks across the street to them. "Such a fate: us, meeting again, don´t you think?" he grins, looks up at Eliott, then back to Lucas. "Where did you go so fast, last time?"

And, really, he´s so shameless, isn´t he?   
He´s here, _again_ , standing in front of Lucas after what he did last time in the coffee shop and after what he did years ago, and now Lucas is here with his _boyfriend_ , but Ricardo is still so shamelessly talking to him like they´d be friends. 

"Just leave me alone," Lucas says. And to his surprise, he´s not scared, this time. He´s just tired and frustrated. 

"I was talking to you, and you ran away from me," Ricardo continues, the smirk never leaves his face. "Kinda rude, don´t you think?" he chuckles.

Lucas glares at him. "Fuck off." He´s going to punch him, for sure. He squeezes Eliott´s hand tightly to not hit the shithead to his face. He looks at Eliott, who looks from Lucas to Ricardo and realization spreads over his features. 

"I wanted to invite you to-"

Guess Lucas, or anyone, really, never gonna know where to Ricardo wanted to invite him, because there´s fist colliding with his face and he stumbles backwards before landing directly on his butt. 

Lucas stares in shock to gasping Ricardo, who´s holding his nose, to Eliott, who´s breathing heavily with fist still tightly clenched. His eyes are murderous. 

"Don´t you ever talk to my boyfriend again," he spits these words at him. "You never going to anywhere near him, or I´ll kill you, I swear to fucking god, you dickhead!"

Lucas stares. 

People stares. 

Dickhead Ricardo stares, holding his nose. 

Eliott breathes out harshly before tugging for Lucas´ hand and they pass around Ricardo without as much as a final look his way. 

They walk to the corner of the street in silence. Lucas is still processing the whole thing, still in shock of seeing Eliott, _his_ Eliott, soft gentle sweetheart Eliott, punching someone straight to his face. He has to admit that it was really impressive, and definitely satisfying to watch.

They walk behind the corner and stop there. Lucas looks up at Eliott. He´s biting his lip, anger still written in his eyes, shoulders up. He takes a deep breath. 

"Eliott-"

"Lucas," Eliott sighs, closing his eyes. "Fucking asshole," he says through clenched teeth. "What the fuck. How he spoke with you-," he shakes his head.

"Eliott," Lucas says again, waiting for him to open his eyes. "Are you hurt?" Lucas slips his hand down Eliott´s arm, takes a hold on his wrist and lifts it up to look at it. Eliott´s knuckles are red, there will definitely be a bruise later. It looks painful. "Does it hurt much?" 

"No," Eliott says, watching Lucas´ face. "I´m sorry if I scared you, I didn´t mean to-"  
Lucas surges forward and presses his lips to Eliott´s. He takes him by surprise and Eliott stumbles backwards until his back is pressed to the building wall. Lucas feels Eliott´s hands coming to his hips, then slides to the back and almost lifting Lucas from the ground. 

Lucas kisses him and kisses him, trying to express everything he feels. His gratefulness, his appretiation, his love. There are three words itching in his throat, but this is not the right time, so he kisses Eliott´s deeper instead to hold it inside. 

"Baby," Eliott mumbles to his lips. 

"You´re so hot," Lucas mumbles right back and Eliott snorts. Lucas pulls inch away, smiling so wide right to Eliott´s face. "My fighter," he presses his lips to Eliott´s cheekbone and Eliott grins. Lucas hugs him tightly around his neck. "My hero," he whispers there.   
Eliott hugs him closer. 

  
...

  
Lucas takes Eliott back to his flat - from where they went out before - to take care of his hand, coffee shop be damned. Eliott said he´s not in pain, but Lucas is suspicious that he´s saying that only to not worry Lucas or to not make him feel bad. But of course Lucas feels bad. He didn´t want to get Eliott involved in any of his bullshits, and here they are. And he can also see the way Eliott´s holding his hand still, not moving with it, and how he´s trying to hide it. 

Lucas situates Eliott to sit behind the kitchen table and brings his first aid box. (He learned to have first aid box in his flat when he started learning how to cook and he had cutted finger every other day.)

"Give me the hand?" Lucas says once he´s settled next to Eliott. 

"Baby, I really don´t think it´s that bad, it´s just-" Eliott starts, but Lucas _wants_ to take care of him. Like Eliott always does take care of Lucas. 

"Give it," he says. "Please, let me look," he looks straight into Eliott´s eyes. Eliott sighs and pulls his hand from under the table and put it on it.   
Lucas gasps when he sees it. It´s all swollen and bruise is already showing up. 

"Baby...," Lucas takes Eliott´s hurt hand into his both carefully and Eliott hisses. "I´m so sorry."

"I don´t regret anything," Eliott says in steady voice. 

"But you got hurt this badly...," Lucas examines his hand closely and then he opens the first aid box and finds the ointment with cooling effect. 

"It was worth it," Eliott shrugs, small smile appears on his lips. "And it´s not that serious, really."

Lucas sighs, puts the ointment gently on the hurt parts, then he takes the bandage and wraps it around Eliott´s hand. He feels Eliott´s eyes on himself the whole time, but he still feels guilty about this whole thing and he´s afraid to look at him.   
Once he´s done with the bandage, he lifts Eliott´s hand, carefuly, and kisses it. 

"Lucas," Eliott says, cups Lucas´ face with his healthy hand and waits for Lucas to look at him. "It´s okay, I promise." Lucas shakes his head. "It _is_. Hey, trust me. I didn´t do anything I wouldn´t want myself. And this was well-deserved."

"It was...," Lucas has to admit. "But I still hate that it happened," he shifts closer to Eliott. "Thank you for taking care of me," he slips his hand around Eliott´s neck. "Noone has ever done something like that for me," he leans closer, rests their foreheads together. 

"Anytime," Eliott says, brushing their noses together. "Hey," he pulls away. "I have something for you."

Lucas looks at him, confused. "What?"   
Eliott only smiles and stands up from the chair, goes to the living room when he left his backpack earlier (he brought things for a sleepover), and Lucas follows him. Eliott pulls out this square thing and hands it to Lucas with wide smile.   
Lucas unwraps the brown paper and there´s a frame with painting. Eliott´s painting, the one Lucas picked up from the ground that rainy day in the campus. Parallel worlds painting. Upside-down painting. 

"You liked this one back then, oh, wow, it was like three months ago already," Eliott shakes his head in disbelief. "Anyways, you said you like it and I finally got the chance to finish it, so... I wanted to give it to you."

Lucas stares, and then stares some more. He´s sure his jaw is on the ground. He doesn´t know what to say. Eliott truly is the most amazing beautiful caring wonderful kind person alive. He looks up at him and sees the bashful smile, mesmerizing eyes and he falls in love even more in that moment.   
Three words which were itching in his throat earlier are dancing on his tongue now and Lucas can´t stop them escaping his lips. 

"I love you," he says and internally curses when his voice breaks in the middle. He tries again. "I love you, so much."

The way Eliott looks at him, the way his whole face transforms into this glowing sun, it´s priceless. Lucas hugs the frame with painting tightly to his chest. 

"I love you," Eliott says, voice full of emotions, and Lucas is once again grateful that both of them are such a pair of saps. He can´t stop smiling. Eliott steps closer, cups Lucas´ face and brings their foreheads together. "I love you more than words can say," he says and connects their lips. And then it´s hard to kiss because they both are smiling too much, but it doesn´t stop Eliott from pressing kisses all over Lucas´ face and neck and it doesn´t stop Lucas from hugging Eliott closer and closer and burrying his face into his neck, whispering thousands "I love you´s" there. 

  
...

  
"Oh, shit!" Lucas´ eyes widen and he sits up on the bed - well, sits as much as Eliott pressed to his side let him. 

"Mmm, what?" Eliott mumbles sleepily. They both were dozing, seconds away from deep sleep, when Lucas realized something what woke him up. "What happened, baby?" Eliott rubs his eyes. 

"Your hand!" Lucas points at painfully obvious fact, and that is Eliott´s bandaged hand now on Lucas´ stomach, previously on his heart. "You hurt your hand and you can´t make art, now," Lucas whisper-screams, absolutely horrified.   
Fuck.   
This is getting worse and worse. 

"Fuck, this is disaster," Lucas wants to cry, this is all because of him. He falls back to the mattress and covers his eyes with the pillow. "This is all my fault."

"Lucas," Eliott takes the pillow away. "Babe, it´s okay, I can use my left hand."

"What do you mean?" Lucas frowns. He would be absolutely useless without his right hand.

"I can draw with my left one as good as with the right one," Eliott lies back next to him, head on the same pillow, chin on Lucas´ shoulder, bandaged hand on Lucas´ chest. 

"You what?" Lucas widens his eyes even more. "Are you kidding me?" Eliott shakes his head with smile on his lips. "How many more talents do you have, oh my goodness..."

Eliott snorts. "You´re one to talk," he mumbles, kissing Lucas´ neck. 

"Still," Lucas holds Eliott´s forearm. "I´m really sorry this all happened. I won´t let my past demons hurt you again," he leans closer and kisses Eliott´s forehead. 

"You didn´t see yourself that day," Eliott says and he sounds sad, for some reason. Lucas pulls a little away to look at him. Eliott is looking right back. "You didn´t see yourself, but I did. I saw you. And it... it broke my heart," Eliott takes a deep breath and Lucas sees his eyes are teary. "It broke my heart, seeing you like that, so scared, so devastated. So hopeless," tear slips down Eliott´s cheek and Lucas wipes it away. "You looked so tiny, so broken, I thought you´re gonna break into pieces in front of my eyes," Eliott hugs him closer, snuggles to his neck. Lucas caresses his arm. "I´m actually surprised I only punched him, once. And not even that hard. Because what he did to you... he doesn´t deserve to even look your way, and he... he _touched you_ -"

"I know," Lucas silences Eliott with his hand on Eliott´s cheek, stroking it gently. "It´ll never going to happen again."

"Of course not, because I´ll never leave you alone," Eliott whispers. 

"I...," Lucas closes his eyes for a moment before he makes a decision. "It´s gonna happen again... the panic attack. More of them, actually."

Eliott lifts himself on his elbow and look him in the eyes. 

"I have them, time to time," Lucas admits. "Always triggered by something. Like some... situation, when I see no escape from, and it... happens."

Eliott nods. He nods, face all serious, eyes loving and caring and still a little sad. 

"Since we´re revealing our demons here," Eliott starts and the corner of Lucas´ lips lifts up. "I have a bipolar disorder. I take medication, but it´s not always... sunshine and rainbow, either. Sometimes it´s really hard."

Lucas feels it again, the feeling growing inside his chest to enormous size, filling every little hole in his body.   
He hugs Eliott closer and closer until he´s pressed to Lucas again. 

"I´ve never been more proud of you," Lucas says, feels Eliott exhaling long breath. "I love you, unconditionaly."

Eliott brings his bandaged hand back to Lucas´ heart again. "Thank you. I love you."

  
They fall asleep feeling lighter, both of them, with all their demons in the room with them. But this time, they are tiny and harmless. 

  
...

  
Lucas almost runs from the philosophy building after his last class of the day ended. He needs to go, because today is one special day. With one special boy. 

Speaking of: Eliott´s leaning his back to the building wall right next to the entrance and Lucas runs right into his waiting arms. 

"Hi," he mumbles to Eliott´s ear, feeling his lips kissing Lucas´ hair. 

"Hi, I missed you," Eliott mumbles right back and pulls away to kiss Lucas on the lips. 

"Okay, okay," Lucas says hundred kisses later. "Are you ready?" he asks. They´re meeting Lucas´ friends today. Lucas finally, finally decided to introduce Eliott to Yann, Basile and Arthur. Not because it wouldn´t be so special and private between them anymore, quite the opposite. But because he´s dating Eliott for four months now and for this short time he got to know him enough to know that everything Eliott does is absolutely mindblowing, showstopping... miraculous... and he wants for others to see the miracle themselves.  
The way he´s talking, the way he´s smiling. The way he´s looking at the world around them. The way he´s making his art, how he´s looking at other people´s artpieces.   
Lucas is always absolutely stunned. Eliott is leaving him in awe with everything he does.   
Is that pathetic? Is that creepy?   
Yes it is.   
It´s called _love_.   
Who´s not a little bit of creepy in love, right?

"Ready like never," Eliott smiles and leans to peck Lucas on the lips few times more. 

In that moment - because life can´t be always a dream, can it? - starts raining. It´s not tiny soft drizzle, it´s water pouring from the sky in thick chains. They´re going to be soaked in a matter of seconds. 

"Oh fuck, no," Eliott pressed Lucas to the building wall to protect him. "I didn´t even think about that it could rain today. I didn´t take my umbrella with me."

Lucas smiles at how sweet this boy is. He´s really the best person Lucas have ever met. He takes his backpack off his shoulder and pulls out grey umbrella, unfolds it and lifts up above both of them.   
Eliott stares at him. 

"You... you have your own umbrella now?" Eliott´s eyes are wide and beautiful. Smile is creeping onto his lips. 

Lucas shrugs. "You´re the one who always saves me," Eliott smiles wider, his cheeks go softly pink. He´s gorgeous. "It´s time for me to save you back."

Eliott´s smiling impossibly wide and bright and leans to kiss Lucas. And kiss him and kiss him again, until Lucas´ head is spinning. "But...," he says after he pulls away, only a little, hugging Lucas around his waist, foreheads pressed together. "But now you´re not gonna need me anymore... with your own umbrella...," Eliott says sadly. 

"Hm...," Lucas brings his hands around Eliott´s neck, balancing the umbrella. "You´re right, I won´t need you that much." Eliott´s face falls. "But I will always want you. Always."

And there it is. The light in Eliott´s eyes, the soft pink on his cheeks, the beautiful smile. 

"I will always want you, too," Eliott says and Lucas feels the warmth inside him, melting his organs together. 

  
They walk together down the street to the coffee shop where they´re meeting the boys, holding hands, Eliott´s telling Lucas about his day and Lucas holds the umbrella proudly above their heads, smile´s never leaving his lips. 

And he thinks, squeezing Eliott´s hand and got a smile and squeeze right back, that maybe, life is some kind of a dream, after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shouldn´t be continuing my one-shots. Ever. The story was quite perfect like it was. But no, I had to think about one scene and then I was like: Oh shit, I have to write part 2, just because THAT scene (aka the last scene with the umbrella in this story).  
> Anyways. Never gonna do that again.  
> (aka watch me do that again)
> 
> PS: the artpiece of umbrella and Jackson Pollock style was me and my lil sis working together because I needed two artists to create it. The other one is my own.  
> PPS: Love you guys, take care of yourself, please? ♥

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ♥
> 
> tumblr: briallenko


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